


Conjugality

by hgiel



Category: H.O.T., K-pop
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-27 14:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hgiel/pseuds/hgiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kang Ta gets married to keep his career but continues his relationship with Hee Jun; meanwhile Jae Won falls in love with Kang Ta's new wife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

-And then, Kang Ta was married.

To a woman he didn’t even really know.

In a ceremony that was constructed solely for TV cameras.

He wanted to think ‘this seemed like a good idea before’ but it had never seemed like a good idea. It had seemed like a responsibility and a burden. He felt like a responsibility and a burden. But it was necessary.

A month ago, the marriage was decided, and since then he had seen his bride twice. Once in a meeting, and next on the alter. The meeting had gone relatively well. And the alter part? There wasn’t a lot for Kang Ta to gage that on, but he supposed it went well. He didn’t cry, or scream, or pass out, or run away. Neither did Lee Mi Hyun, his bride.

That month ago Kang Ta finally agreed with his manager that rumors and gossip were going to ruin his career and something needed to be done. Message boards and cafe’s were filled with talk of him being gay, or being a womanizer.

“Now, a womanizer,” Kang Ta’s manager had said, “wouldn’t be career ending, because you can still release albums, but no ones going to buy them. But being gay? You won’t be able to put out a digital single. Think of Hong Suk Chun.”

That’s what convinced him. Kang Ta had met Suk Chun a few times, but nothing memorable. So, the only memory he had of him was the image he had seen on TV, when Suk Chun had come out of the closet. His crying face and strained admittance hit really close to home. Kang Ta didn’t want that to be him, he didn’t want to go in front of those cameras and tell the world he was gay, and then bow down into retirement. Now he was being backed into that situation unless he did something.

That something depended on Hee Jun.

The plan was to tell Hee Jun the whole situation, and then say ‘Tell me not to do it and I wont, I swear.’ What actually happened was Kang Ta began crying before Hee Jun got the door open, and the rest spilled out between sobs.

Even as he was being soothed by Hee Jun’s ‘Its alright, Its going to be fine. We can get through this, you can do this.’ he knew he had to say those things. How could he tell Kang Ta no? ‘No, you can’t get married. Our relationship is more important then your career.’ These are things Kang Ta would have wanted to say if the tables were turned, but not even he would have if Hee Jun had come to him in the mess Kang Ta was in.

Hee Jun had tried to bring up the wedding in the following month, but Kang Ta had just said “Not now, let’s not talk about it now.” Even if the planning was going on, he wanted to pretend it wasn’t, as long as he was with Hee Jun they could pretend everything was normal.

The night before the wedding, as he laid in bed with Hee Jun, he had brought up the wedding himself, and Hee Jun said “Not now, I don’t want to talk about it now.”

And now it was too late.

\-----

The ceremony was open to reporters and TV cameras, the reception was closed for close friends and family only. This meant everyone could relax and stop putting on fronts. Kang Ta retired to a table with his family and Hee Jun, the bride was with her own family, across the room.

“You want to meet her?” Tony asked suddenly, making Jae Won jump.

“What?” He asked.

“You’re staring at her, I assume you want to meet her? I do too, so if we go together it wont be as weird. I feel awkward.” Tony admitted.

“Why do you want to meet her?” Jae Won asked.

“I have all her books, I would love to meet her. I was going to bring one for her to sign, but Woo Hyuk said that would be rude.” He nodded to Woo Hyuk, who pretended to ignore them both.

Jae Won had known she was a writer, but he never had read any of her books. The only other thing he really knew about her was the fact she was Kang Ta’s manager’s daughter. Now seeing her, he wished he knew a little bit more. He could understand why Kang Ta had gone through with this, but why her?

“Come on,” Tony said, taking Jae Won by the arm and guiding them to the other table.

Approaching the table, it felt like they were intruding. If this were a real sort of wedding Tony and himself would have reason to come to talk to the bride, interrupting her conversation with her mother, but as it was, they didn’t have an obvious reason for approaching. If he was in Mi Hyun’s place, Jae Won would assume they were coming to give their condolences.

“Pardon me.” Tony interrupted with ease. “I just wanted to make sure I met you before the night was over.”

Tony extended his hand, and Mi Hyun took it as she stood to give them her full attention. She looked beautiful in the wedding dress, and her smile was kind, and somehow familiar. Jae Won then noticed, as she turned to take his hand, it was the same smile she had given all the camera’s at the ceremony. He suddenly wondered if she really was happy with the arrangement, or if this was a fake smile.

“Im Lee Jae Won.” Jae Won introduced.

“Its nice to meet you two. Im sorry, I should have come and introduced myself earlier.” Mi Hyun apologized.

“No, you are busy with your family.” Tony said, nodding toward her mother, who was now engaged in another conversation. “I wanted to tell you, Im a big fan of yours, I have all your books.”

Mi Hyun’s eyes widened in surprise, and then she turned a shade darker. “Im flattered. Im glad you like them.” She said, smiling.

This one was different. It was broad, reaching her eyes, but at the same time, self conscious. It was endearing, and Jae Won felt a bit of jealousy that Tony was the one receiving it. If he was better on his feet, Jae Won would have considered making the same claim to having her books, but he was sure if he did Tony would rat him out.

“Mi Hyun?” Her father asked, coming along side Jae Won and Tony. “It’s time to go, you need to take photos with Kang Ta. Honey,” He said, calling his wife, “You too, let’s go.”

Jae Won turned to say goodbye to Mi Hyun but Kang Ta turned him back around as he walked by. “Thanks for coming you guys. Will you...” He nodded toward the table he had been sitting at.

“We’ll hang out with Hee Jun.” Tony assured, understanding what Kang Ta had meant.

“Thanks.” He smiled half heartedly and followed the party out the door.

“Does he think Hee Jun is going to do something crazy?” Jae Won asked quietly.

“I think he doesn’t want him to be alone.”

\-----

Woo Hyuk gave Tony an exasperated look as he watched him sit down on the couch beside him. “What are you doing? Go make us something to eat.”

Tony’s eyes closed in exaggerated agony as he sighed. “How can you be hungry? We’ve eaten non stop for the last five hours.” Not actually wanting, or expecting, an answer, he turned his back to Woo Hyuk on the couch. “My back hurts.”

“What am I suppose to do about it?” Woo Hyuk asked, only able to keep the smile from his voice due to years of practice. Tony was so sure he could derail his thoughts, how delusional and adorable.

“Rub it.” Tony chuckled. Maybe he had heard the joke in Woo Hyuk’s voice after all.

“Well, my feet hurt, are you going to rub them?”

Looking back over his shoulder, Tony grinned. “I wont have enough time to do that and make your dinner.”

“Wont be a problem.” Woo Hyuk assured. He wrapped his legs around Tony, straddling him, and placed his feet on Tony’s lap. “You can rub them while I do your back. And look, you have two hands, I have two feet, we’ll make record time.”

Tony laughed silently to himself but begin to rub Woo Hyuk’s feet, only then did Woo Hyuk massage his back. The whole day was a bit stressful, it felt good to just relax. The whole situation with Kang Ta seemed to sneak up on all of them, and it brought up issues that neither he nor Tony were able to vocalize yet. It was like waiting on test results, finding out whether you had cancer or not.

“Do you think one of us should have stayed with Hee Jun tonight?” Tony asked after a long silence.

“He’s fine, I’ll go check in on him in the morning though. I think he’s too drunk to do anything but sleep right now anyway.”

That’s what worried Woo Hyuk most of all, Hee Jun was doing well. The whole night they drank and ate, never mentioning Kang Ta. Hee Jun joked and carried on like nothing was wrong, but he ordered drinks faster then Woo Hyuk could keep track of. He wasn’t healthy enough to have been taking in drinks like that, but there wasn’t much Woo Hyuk or Tony could say about it. At least the light hearted facade they all put on kept their thoughts from getting dark, even with all the alcohol.

“Woo Hyuk?” Tony asked in a soft voice, and Woo Hyuk noticed Tony had stopped massaging his feet.

“Ya?”

“Will you stay over tonight?”

Woo Hyuk wrapped his arms around Tony’s front and pulled him tightly against his chest. He kissed Tony’s temple a little harder than he intended before answering, “Yes, but you have to make breakfast too.”

\-----

“Go to your room.”

Mi Hyun could almost see the humor in that, if she weren’t so tired and depressed. It was her wedding night, and upon coming home with her husband she was told to go to her room by her father, as if she was in trouble. It wasn’t as if she had planned on consummating the marriage, but it was the icing on the cake to be treated like a child like this.

“We need to talk, there is no reason for you to stay up.” Her father added in a softer tone when she hadn’t moved.

“Uh..” Kang Ta said suddenly, smiling apologetically, then laughed. “I was about to say it was good seeing you again, but that would be...” He shook his head, making Mi Hyun smile at his honesty. “I’ll see you in the morning, sleep well.” He corrected.

“Thank you, you too.” She tried smiling at him as brightly as she could, then turned to her father. “Goodnight.”

This was Kang Ta’s apartment, and so it was already decorated when she arrived. It was nice, but it didn’t feel like home. Not even her bedroom felt like her own. Sometime in the day someone must had dropped her things off, because there in her room were the boxes she had packed, and her bed. It wasn’t even dressed, and Mi Hyun wasn’t sure which box might have the sheets in it.

Suddenly, she felt guilty. The room was hollow, save for her boxed goods, what was the room before? Kang Ta must have had to clean it out for her. It was ridiculous to feel guilty about that, but Mi Hyun couldn’t get past the feeling she was a guest here. A guest that was shamelessly imposing.

Mi Hyun stretched her eyes upward to dry them. She shouldn’t cry now, not right now at least, there would be lots of time for that later. To keep busy, she set into opening the closest box to look for her sheets, or at least her pillow. She would have marked the boxes, but even as she packed them, things were being removed. Most of her things had gone into storage or the trash, her mother took a few things back to her home. Mi Hyun’s father repeatedly reminded her she couldn’t take that much with her.

“You don’t need to bring your furniture, Kang Ta has that already, you can put them in storage until we find someone to take them.” He had said, and then “You’re bringing those toys with you too? I can’t believe you still have them anyway.” Meaning her stuffed animals.

Trying to ease Mi Hyun’s mood, her mother had whispered not to worry, she would bring her animals home and get them to her later. It was sweet, but it wasn’t what was upsetting her. The animals were mementoes of her childhood, but her furniture was more important. She had bought it with money she had earned, putting them in her own place was a big moment for her. She had finally been an adult, self sufficient, and now they were being stripped away as easily as that.

“Finally...” Mi Hyun muttered, finding some sheets at the bottom of one box. When she stood up to put them in place, she noticed she was still in her wedding dress. So many funny things tonight, but she still wasn’t up to appreciating it.

She quickly pushed the idea of unpacking anymore more from her head. It didn’t need to be done now, and as long as she had her computer hooked up she would be happy, but it hadn’t made its way to Kang Ta’s apartment yet. If her Mom was trying to make the transition any easier by bringing her things, she would only have had to bring her bed, computer, and pajamas.


	2. Chapter 2

Mi Hyun flipped through a section of CDs in the record store, looking for something appealing, but really just attempting to kill time. Sitting in un-companionable silence with Kang Ta all day was making her so uneasy she was sure her face would wrinkle from stress. It was their first day as a married couple and yet neither of them felt comfortable enough for more then polite conversation. When Kang Ta had to go to the production studio about a new drama, Mi Hyun quickly retreated the home as well, finding herself at the mall.

She really should have been back in the apartment, unpacking her things, but the prospect of getting out was too good. It was far less uncomfortable to be in the mall, pushing through young teenagers then alone in Kang Ta’s apartment. At the mall she could pretend she was the girl from two days ago, unmarried.

Mi Hyun’s hand stopped on a familiar face and she lifted it out of the rack to get a better look. It was Kang Ta’s friend Jae Won, she had met him at the wedding. He seemed such a stoic and gentle person, it struck Mi Hyun odd that he was a rapper, but maybe she was stereotyping. Like most young girls she was an H.O.T fan, but listened more and more to instrumental or classical music as she got older, she wasn’t sure of what his albums were like.

Skimming over the track listings were a bit intriguing, so she picked up the others and looked over the those as well. She hadn’t thought she was that engrossed, but unbeknownst to her, someone had approached her side. Only when the girl spoke did Mi Hyun notice her there.

“Pardon me?” The girl asked gently, and looked shyly amused when Mi Hyun jumped.

“Yes?” Mi Hyun asked.

“Aren’t you Kang Ta’s wife? I saw you on the news.”

“Ah, yes.” Mi Hyun admitted, feeling her face grow hot. If this girl had any follow up questions Mi Hyun didn’t know what she would do. Even if her marriage was a legitimate one, she would have been at a loss. Her father wouldn’t want her speaking to anyone period, even if she were a good liar.

“Im a big fan of Kang Ta’s.” The girl said awkwardly.

“Im glad. Im sorry, I have to be somewhere.” It was pathetic, and maybe a little rude, but it came out of her mouth right as her legs were back peddling of their own accord. Mi Hyun’s heart was pounding so hard in her ears she almost didn’t hear the man behind the counter call out to stop her.

“Miss, are you going to pay for those?”

Mi Hyun looked down at her hands, where Jae Won’s discography was stacked. If she was red before, she must have been bursting into flames now. Not only had she been recognized within 24 hours of marrying Kang Ta after a 6 year writing career of not getting recognized at even her own book signings, but she was also committing crimes unintentionally.

“Im so sorry, yes, of course I’ll pay for them.”

\-----

Jae Won followed the hostess who was seating him, but before he got barely into the dining room a familiar face stopped him. Mi Hyun was there, sitting by herself. He had the urge to go join her, as the waitress was just then handing her the menu, but that would be a little forward, they hardly knew each other. He would settle for a quick hello.

When he was seated, Jae Won quickly got back up to greet her, hoping the waitress would be a little slow and his table wouldn’t get taken. He approached Mi Hyun from behind so she wasn’t able to see him come up, giving him ample time to second guess this move. And so he did.

She might not have wanted to visit with anyone, and this time Tony wasn’t with him to make the situation effortless. It was uncomfortable to speak to her before, but this time it seemed worse. Aside from the fact he was solo this time, he also was in a different state of mind. Yesterday he knew nothing about her, and today he was sure she would be able to tell he had been thinking about her since the reception.

But, he was already there, and even if she didn’t notice, other restaurant patrons would, and they would see him as some sort of pervert if he crept up behind her, then ran off back to his table. The last thing he wanted was for her to see him there because the police had been called to take him away.

Words seem to fail him as he looked down at her though. Mi Hyun looked great in her wedding dress, make up, hair up, but the simplicity of her street clothes, un-made face, and her hair draping over her shoulders was so becoming. She looked so beautiful, so very sweet.

And he was looking like a nut job just standing behind her, staring down her neck.

“Hey, Mi Hyun.” He said finally.

She jumped and he felt instantly ashamed. He should have taken the long way around to meet her face to face.

“Jae Won.” She said, sighing with relief. “Im sorry, Im a bit jumpy today.”

“Im sorry to startle you, I just came in and saw you, I wanted to say hi.” He explained.

“I just got here too, if you haven’t ordered, would you like to join me?”

Jae Won clamped his mouth shut before he could agree too eagerly. “If you aren’t expecting anyone?” He ventured. She might actually be having lunch with Kang Ta.

“No, I was just shopping at the mall and decided to eat while I was here.” She explained, and relief washed over him.

“Then I would love to join you.” He took a seat across from her and sat his bag on the chair beside him. Then he realized he still had it, and wished he had left it in the car.

“You were shopping too?” Mi Hyun asked, noticing the bag.

“Ah, yes, I went to the book store and got some comics. It’s childish, I know.” Admitting he still read comic books was far less embarrassing then admitting he had bought all her books. If only he had known he would see her, he would have hid them, or at least waited to buy them.

“I read comics too.” She said it so gently he was sure she was saying it to save his pride.

“Do you?”

“I do, really.” Mi Hyun insisted. “I’ll read anything, if it has a good story or characters, there is no shame in indulging yourself. Sometimes even children’s books can give you insights that other venues couldn’t. Good writing isn’t synonymous with adult books, it can be comics, or articles, or bumper stickers.” As soon as she finished, her face flushed. “Im sorry.” She said softly.

“Sorry for what?” He asked.

“I’m boring.” She laughed self consciously.

“No you aren’t, and you have a good point, I haven’t thought of it that way.”

“So you don’t think I’m weird for seeing art in bumper stickers?” Mi Hyun asked jokingly.

“No, I think you’re adorable.”

It was too much, obviously. Mi Hyun’s face got even redder, and her menu went up to cover it. “What are you ordering?” She asked from behind it.

“Im not sure yet, you?” Jae Won asked, trying to keep from smiling.

“I should have lunch, but the deserts look really good.”

“Sounds good to me, let’s have desert.”

The two of them ordered and it took a bit of polite conversation before the awkwardness eased again. Jae Won wished he had at least read one of her books so he could bring them up, it would be a great way to get her talking. But as long as the conversation didn’t go to ‘What’s in the bag Jae Won?’ it would be alright.

“You’ve always been a performer right?” Mi Hyun asked.

“Yes, I’ve never done anything else.”

“Do you ever wish you had?”

“I don’t wish I had done anything else, but I’ve wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn’t gone into show business. There’s a lot of things that have happened that I regret, but I’m pretty happy with the way things turned out. What about you? Have you always been a writer?”

Mi Hyun shook her head. “No, but it’s the only thing I’ve done worth noting. I did some work as a receptionist, and I worked at some fast food places. I went away to school in England and then didn’t get published at first when I came home, so I had to take some odd jobs.”

Jae Won reached for a follow up question that wouldn’t involve admitting he didn’t know her work. What he really wanted to know was why she was married to Kang Ta and not someone she could have a real marriage with, but it wasn’t a comfortable subject by any means. Mi Hyun was talking so easily, he was sure if he brought it up, that would end.

“Jae Won?” Mi Hyun asked.

“Yes?” He realized he hadn’t been paying attention and his cell phone was ringing.

“Your phone.” She nodded toward the sound.

“Sorry, excuse me.”

\-----

He says ‘I’m bored’ and then waits, as if Jae Won would know how to answer. Hee Jun hadn’t ever called him just to hang out before. They were friends, Jae Won supposed, but not that kind. It wasn’t unwelcome, just a little confusing. Hee Jun must have been upset and wanted someone to talk to. So, then why would he call Jae Won?

When he excused himself from Mi Hyun and joined Hee Jun at the bar though, he wondered if Hee Jun might just have wanted a warm body in the seat next to him. He was already three sheets to the wind and insisted on sharing a few companionable drinks with Jae Won, only to joke and tell random stories. Apparently there wasn’t anything vital that was going to be discussed.

The longer the drinking went on normally, the more uncomfortable Jae Won felt. Wasn’t Hee Jun upset? Surely he wasn’t drinking to celebrate Kang Ta having gotten married. The night of the wedding was much like this, but Woo Hyuk and Tony had been there, and so the mood was much different. Woo Hyuk had a way of controlling the situation without anyone else noticing. Hee Jun commanded attention and always took the leading roles, whether it be in their group or in their conversations, but Woo Hyuk could change the direction and mood with a few loaded words or comments toward Hee Jun.

Without the others, Jae Won wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to ask why Hee Jun was drunk so early in the day, but knew he wasn’t ready for the answer. If the reason was Kang Ta, Jae Won had no idea how to comfort him. If the reason was the pure joy of getting drunk, Jae Won had no idea how to reason with him.

“Let’s go do something fun.” Hee Jun said suddenly.

“Fun?” Jae Won asked.

“You are having fun now, spending time with me is a pleasure, I know, but my ass is getting tired, let’s go somewhere.”

“Where?”

Hee Jun thought for a moment, then stood and motioned for Jae Won to join him. “Let’s go to an arcade.” He headed toward the exit without waiting to see if Jae Won would join him.

“I don’t know if there is one near here.” Jae Won admitted as they passed through the door.

“We’ll walk until we find one.”

It was actually a relief. Jae Won didn’t think he could talk Hee Jun out of driving if he had wanted to. He also couldn’t drive them, not until he burned off a little of the alcohol at least.

Hee Jun threw an arm over Jae Won’s shoulders and guided them down the street. “It’ll be fun, you’ll see. You’ll have a great time losing to me, but I love you so much, I’ll go easy on you.” With that, he pulled Jae Won down as if to kiss him on the cheek but missed and hit his jaw.

“Sounds great.” Jae Won muttered.

There was no arcade to be seen, and after a while Jae Won’s feet hurt too badly to keep looking. He suggested they go into a Mc Donalds to rest and eat something. Once they sat down, Jae Won glanced at his watched and realized it was time for dinner. How long had they been in that bar? How long had they been walking?

“I don’t think we’ll find an arcade.” He Jun admitted. “That was a terrible idea you had, but if you want, we can play in the ball pit.”

“You think you could fit under the height restriction?” Jae Won asked playfully.

“Are you calling me short?” Hee Jun gasped in mock horror. “We can’t all be half human, half red wood.” He cooed, pinching Jae Won’s cheek.

Suddenly Jae Won’s ring tone went off and he reached into the deep pockets of his pants to pull it out. Before he could read the caller ID, Hee Jun snatched it from him.

“How rude, you didn’t turn your phone off on our date, who is it?” Hee Jun fumbled with it, trying to turn it around with one hand. When he finally got it turned toward him, his face turned stoic. He flipped the phone open and answered it, much to Jae Won’s displeasure.

“Hello?”

“Hee Jun, give me the phone.” Jae Won pleaded. Who knew who was on the phone? Who knew what he was going to say to them?

“Of course it’s Hee Jun, who else would it be?” Hee Jun asked playfully, but his face didn’t show anymore emotion then when he had said hello. “Im having dinner with him.” He went on. “Here,”

He handed the phone to Jae Won. “Hello?” Jae Won asked warily.

“Hey Jae Won.” Kang Ta answered, much to Jae Won’s relief. “How are you?”

“Fine.”

“You are having dinner with Hee Jun?”

“Yes.”

There was a bit of silence then Kang Ta asked, “Is he okay?”

“Seems so, same as always.” Jae Won answered, trying to keep the answer vague so Hee Jun wouldn’t know they were talking about him.

“Good.” Kang Ta said, sounding relieved. “Hey, I heard from Mi Hyun that she had lunch with you today.”

He didn’t say it in accusing way, but Jae Won felt as if he had been caught in a betrayal. They hadn’t done anything bad, but Kang Ta might not like him hanging out with her. It wasn’t Jae Won’s place to be treating her to lunch, or buying her books like some stalker, or wondering if she told Kang Ta she enjoyed herself with him or not. Maybe she had asked Kang Ta to call Jae Won and ask him to leave her alone?

“Jae Won?” Kang Ta asked after a long moment of silence.

“Sorry, ya?”

“I was thinking, if you are free tomorrow, you could take her out for a few hours. I want to cook dinner for the two of us so we can get to know each other, but I want it to be a surprise. Is that okay?”

Jae Won’s mouth went suddenly dry. “I..Are you sure?”

“If you are busy, or if you don’t want to, that’s fine.” Kang Ta assured.

“No, I would love to.” Jae Won said in a forced coolness.

“Thank you so much, I owe you. If you could take her about three in the afternoon? Good. Im going to hang up, call back and I’ll give Mi Hyun the phone and you can invite her out tomorrow.”

Before Jae Won could answer he heard the other line disconnect. He glanced up at Hee Jun who was keeping his attention fully down at his untouched food, but Jae Won was sure he was listening intently. Calling Kang Ta’s home, Jae Won waited through three rings before Kang Ta picked up again.

“Hello?” He asked.

“He-“

”Oh Jae Won! Oh? Yes hold on.” Kang Ta said, as if Jae Won had filled in the gaps instead of waiting awkwardly on the line.

“Hello?” Mi Hyun’s voice came through in a cautious tone.

“Mi Hyun.” Jae Won’s hands began to sweat. What was he going to say? Where would he invite her to go with him? Kang Ta hadn’t thought it out far enough. “Mi Hyun?” He said again.

“Who is this?” She asked.

Jae Won’s face flushed. “Im sorry! This is Jae Won.”

“Oh, hi!” She said warmly.

She was happy to hear from him! That gave him a sudden jolt of confidence, so he used it. “I was wondering if we could get together tomorrow afternoon?” And the sudden jolt was over. “I mean, if you are free. I just thought we could...” Could what?

“I planned on going to the library tomorrow, if you want to come with me though, I would love to buy you dinner.”

“Great!” But not great. “I have a dinner with my agent tomorrow though, but I’ve been meaning to go to the library, could I still go with you?”

“Sure, that would be great, what time?”

“Three?”

“Sounds good.”

Jae Won looked back at Hee Jun as he got off the phone. He no longer concentrated on his food, and seemed like he was about to say something, but didn’t.

“Kang Ta wanted me to get Mi Hyun out of the house for him.” He explained. “He wanted to make...dinner for her.” As soon as he said it, he wished he hadn’t.

Smiling, Hee Jun ignored the hesitation in Jae Won’s tone. “He’s a good husband isn’t he? You’ve met her, right?”

Jae Won nodded.

“I haven’t. Is she nice?” It was a simple question, but Hee Jun asked it with some difficulty.

Jae Won answered with some difficulty as well. “She is...She’s really sweet.”

“She looks nice.” Hee Jun said softly. He ran his thumb along the side of his cup for a moment, wiping the condensation away, and then got to his feet. “Let’s head back, I need to get home.”

Their food was hardly touched, but Jae Won didn’t mind leaving it behind, and apparently, neither did Hee Jun. He was heading out without Jae Won again.


	3. Chapter 3

Jae Won had come to pick her up, which was totally unexpected. Mi Hyun assumed they would be meeting at the library, but Jae Won had come early, visiting with Kang Ta and meeting her on her way out.

“When did you get here?” She asked instead of returning his hello.

He smiled, but it was nothing compared to the one Kang Ta had on behind him. “I wanted to say hi to Kang Ta, so I thought I would come here and we could go together, I hope that’s okay?”

“Of course.” Mi Hyun said apologetically. “I just didn’t expect you here, Im sorry.”

For some reason, it didn’t seem like Jae Won belonged here, not in Kang Ta’s place. He seemed like he was a different part of her life, someone that she had spent a nice afternoon with and was excited to see again, not part of this odd melodrama that was being played out. Not part of the confusing part of her life that was Kang Ta’s apartment. Now her apartment too, she supposed. It made her uncomfortable in a way she felt guilty for, because she was offended the two parts of her new life had come together, when one was admittedly dearer to her then the other.

“Let’s go.” Jae Won said, and she happily agreed.

The walk to the car was silent, as was the beginning of the drive. Mi Hyun wanted to think of something to say to him, but was sure nothing that came to mind would have been right. Suddenly, she felt like he would be able to tell she had stayed up late last night looking him up on the internet. It was such a juvenile thing to do, but she couldn’t help it, it was too tempting. At least she hadn’t messaged him once she found his cyworld.

“What books are you looking for today?” Jae Won asked, breaking the silence.

“Im writing a new book, so I need to do some research.”

“You have to do research for your books?” He asked, glancing over at her with raised eye brows.

“Im writing a thriller so there are some things I have to look into, I want to make it seem realistic.”

Jae Won ‘ahh’ed and then laughed. “The only book I have to read to write lyrics is a dictionary.”

Mi Hyun smiled at him. Watching the road, he seemed not to notice her lingering look. Something about being with him made her feel so at ease, and the ease quickly was melting away from the heat of attraction. It wasn’t something Mi Hyun was used to, and of all times for it to happen. But, whether she was married or not, it wouldn’t matter. Either way, she couldn’t be with Jae Won, he didn’t seem to be interested in her as more then a friend. And at least this way she had got to meet him.

\-----

Escorting Mi Hyun through the library was far more enjoyable then Jae Won had thought it would be. He assumed he would be getting in her way and might have to think on his feet to keep her busy until Kang Ta needed them back, but that wasn’t what happened at all. Despite him only being of great use to reach anything high up, she had come alive when showing him all the books she was fond of.

Mi Hyun’s rare excitement was contagious. Jae Won found himself interested in books he knew he would never really read, but having her describe them to him with bright eyes and emphatic words was so endearing. And when she wasn’t giving him the tour, he had the opportunity to watch her browse without feeling like he was intruding. She really was a beautiful women, and became more so every time Jae Won saw her.

The trip was going so smoothly, he thought he might take a chance and ask her the question that had kept him struggling since he met her.

“Can I ask you something?” Jae Won asked.

“Sure.” Mi Hyun said easily, glancing up at him from a book.

She didn’t seem to know what he was going to ask was uncomfortable, so it took him a moment to decide on going ahead anyway, instead of ad-libbing another, less personal, question. By the time he finally decided to get on with it, she was making wary eye contact with him.

“Why did you marry Kang Ta?”

Mi Hyun didn’t look shocked or embarrassed, like Jae Won had expected, she just looked sad. It made his heart sink into his stomach, and he felt immediately guilty.

“You don’t have to answer that.” He said quickly.

“No, its okay. Im sure a lot of people are wondering that.” She paused for a second, readjusting the book in her hand, finally putting it back on the shelf and then tucking her hair behind her ear. “There really isn’t one answer I can give.” She admitted. “This was a big decision so I had a lot of reasons to convince myself.  
“My dad cares a lot about what happens to Kang Ta, he’s my dad’s lively hood after all, but he also really cares about him. When they needed a women to marry Kang Ta, they wanted someone close, someone they could trust. It had to be at least believable too, so I was a good candidate. Even though Kang Ta and I hadn’t been seen publicly together before, since Im his manager’s daughter it would make sense we would interact at some point.  
“My dad has done so much for me, I couldn’t really say no. He paid for my schooling, he supported me when I couldn’t get a job. If It weren’t for his support, I wouldn’t have been able to be a writer, and that’s the most important thing to me. This is the least I could do to repay him.”

“Don’t you want to get married for real though? To someone you love?”

“Kang Ta and I aren’t meant to stay married forever, three to five years maybe. By then I think I’ll be an old maid, but I didn’t expect to ever get married anyway. The few relationships I had weren’t...They weren’t ideal. My father thought I might be a lesbian, it was one of his arguments when he asked me to marry Kang Ta.” She gave a forced laughed but smiled honestly up at him. “I might as well help my father and Kang Ta if I can, it isn’t as if I had guys lining up at my doorstep.”

Jae Won took her forearm in his hand and squeezed it gently. “You shouldn’t have forfeited your life for someone else, not even your father. If you want to repay others for helping you get to where you are, then repay them by living your life to the fullest, be happy, don’t let others make choices for you.”

Her face had gone red, but Mi Hyun made no pull to pull away so Jae Won wasn’t sure if he had gotten too personal or not. She wasn’t easy to read, and he hoped he wasn’t either, because if she knew how infatuated he was with her, she might write his words off as flirting instead of taking them to heart.

“You are so sweet Jae Won.” Mi Hyun said softly, placing her hand over his. “Maybe the hero in my book should be a rapper.”

They both laughed, defusing the tension in the air. Jae Won decided that having said his peace, they could move past the issue altogether. From there on in, they could just relax and forget the marriage issue for as long as possible and just be friends.

\-----

When Jae Won called to tell him they were on their way, Kang Ta was just beginning to see the meal come together. Well, actually, Jae Won said ‘I’ll be there shortly, are we still on for the same time?’ It was so funny, like they were on some cop program, Kang Ta couldn’t help but laugh. Poor Jae Won sounded so uncomfortable, he was so bad at lying, even being vague was hard for him.

What Kang Ta expected to be a stressful afternoon turned out to be pretty relaxing. He was home alone, like before his marriage, and concentrated fully on one project. It was a relief, because for what seemed like months now, he wasn’t constantly obsessing over his problems. The marriage was suppose to put an end to at least some of that, but it seemed to just bring more.

At least his worries before only involved himself, but now he was worried about everyone else. He worried about how Hee Jun was handling it all, about Mi Hyun regretting the agreement and if she was happy, about his manager regretting giving his daughter away, and then he worried if anyone who knew their marriage was fake was thinking badly of him, or might be letting the cat out of the bag.

And despite his good intentions and peaceful mood today he couldn’t stop regretting the fact he was waiting for Mi Hyun and not Hee Jun. It brought a heavy sort of sadness into the pit of his stomach that was hard to ignore.

By the time the door creaked open, Kang Ta had gotten the table set like he wanted so he hurried into the entry way to intercept Mi Hyun before she made any plans to hide in her room, like she had become accustomed to do.

“Welcome home!” He greeted, startling her into dropping some of the books she carried in. Kang Ta picked them up without missing a beat. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yes.” She said quietly, taking the books back from him.

“You didn’t eat right? I thought we could have dinner together.”

She actually looked surprised. He expected it to be a surprise, but if it was too much of a shock that he wanted to spend time with her, that wasn’t a good sign.

“Sure, that’s great.” Mi Hyun said finally.

“Good, It’s all cooked and on the table if you’re ready.”

All she did was nod so he motioned toward the dining room and led her in. At least he thought he had, but she appeared in the dining room moments after him, sans her jacket and books.

The table didn’t have flowers or lit candles on it, but it did have a table cloth and the food looked good, so Kang Ta appreciated her impressed look. The presentation could have been better though.

“I thought we could get to know each other a little better so I asked Jae Won to help me keep you busy. Did you have a good time with him?”

She looked startled again. It was odd that everything did that to her. Kang Ta wondered if it was just him or if she was always like that. It made him feel like he was always saying the wrong thing.

“I had a really good time.” Mi Hyun said simply but then soon went on in a more confident voice. “He helped me find books, Im studying for a new novel.”

Kang Ta beamed, it seemed they actually had a chance at a conversation. “What’s the new novel going to be about?” As if he had read any of her old ones...

“I thought I knew, but I might reconsider...I’ll have to think about it. How-uh, is your drama?”

“Oh, we haven’t even started it yet, they are still doing auditions for most of the parts still. I just have to go every so often to do a reading.”

Mi Hyun nodded and apparently couldn’t think of any more follow up questions, so they began to eat.

“What’s your favorite color?” Kang Ta asked suddenly, bringing her head back up.

“Red.” She answered hesitantly.

“What’s your favorite number?”

“Forty Eight.”

He couldn’t help but ask Mi Hyun all the questions other people had asked him about her. Simple questions like ‘Where did you two meet?’ were planned out long ago, so he could answer those easily. There were other questions though, simple ones, that he didn’t see coming. Women tended to ask him odd questions about Mi Hyun, assuring him the answers said a lot about her.

If knowing those things meant they were a good couple, then he and Hee Jun had problems, because he had no idea what Hee Jun’s favorite number might be. He knew that Hee Jun’s watch was always one minute fast, because when he set the time he assumed it would take a whole minute to do so, and so always put it a minute ahead, hoping the time would be right. He also knew when Hee Jun changed his sheets. It was shortly after each time Kang Ta would say ‘When is the last time you changed your sheets?’

“What’s your favorite kind of music?”

“Chamber music.”

Kang Ta blinked at that. “That’s not something you hear very often.”

Mi Hyun blushed, and raising her glass to her mouth, covering it, he could barley hear her add, “I think Im beginning to like rap music as well.”

Before he could respond, his cell phone rang so he excused himself to the kitchen. Kang Ta would have let the call go to voice mail, but he had seen Hee Jun’s name and answered.

“Hey Kang Ta.” Hee Jun greeted cheerily.

“Hey Hee Jun, how are you doing?” Kang Ta asked, trying to keep his voice low enough for Mi Hyun not to hear, but normal enough not to appear to Hee Jun as he was hiding their phone conversation.

“Im fine. I was thinking, it’s going to be a while until Im free, I’ve got stuff lined up for the next week, so I thought we should make plans after that. Meet up somewhere and spend the night, how does that sound?”

Kang Ta’s heart welled with happiness. He was worried about not being able to see Hee Jun as much. They usually stayed at Kang Ta’s place, but with Mi Hyun there now... It would be odd. “That sounds great! Name the time and place.”


	4. Chapter 4

In the past weeks, Mi Hyun had found herself growing comfortable in her new life. Kang Ta and her had worked out a sort of friendly relationship, though Mi Hyun was not yet ready to spend her nights at home outside her bedroom, and Kang Ta was still over compensating for everything. Most of all, Jae Won and her had been able to spend a lot of time together. They had gotten past any unease the situation they had met under caused them, and now, at least to Mi Hyun, it seemed they could relax around each other.

Jae Won was suppose to meet her for lunch that afternoon, but Mi Hyun had decided to come a bit early to read. Keeping herself shut up in her bedroom was beginning to get to her. Unfortunately, one of her colleagues had seen her, and decided to join her for a drink.

Son Ji Yeon wasn’t the type to ask if she could sit down, so she hadn’t. She hadn’t thought anything of having the waiter bring her order to Mi Hyun’s table either, so it was obvious she didn’t plan on just stopping by to say hello.

“I heard all about the wedding, how wonderful for you.” Ji Yeon said with slight sarcasm. “I never did get my invitation but I wont hold it against you.”

“We wanted to keep it small.” Mi Hyun said. But even if the wedding had been legitimate, Ji Yeon wouldn’t have gotten an invitation. They hardly knew each other, and Mi Hyun wasn’t interested in knowing her any more then she already did.

“I understand honey, don’t worry about it. How surprised I was though to hear you were marrying Kang Ta. I didn’t know you even knew him.”

Mi Hyun’s throat went dry. She detested talking about the wedding. If anyone was going to get them found out, she knew it would be herself. Whenever she had to comment on the marriage, Mi Hyun was sure ‘liar’ was written on her forehead.

“He was always my favorite when I was young.” Ji Yeon admitted. “But I think every girl had a crush on him, what about you? Did you grow up to marry your pop star crush?” She laughed, obviously she wasn’t expecting an answer, but Mi Hyun felt her face burn none the less.

Ji Yeon turned suddenly, smiling in such a surprised way that Mi Hyun quickly turned as well, to see what had drawn the women’s attention. It was Jae Won. He hesitantly approached the table.

“Hello.” He said nodding to both women.

“Well, you just attract pop stars, don’t you Mi Hyun?” Ji Yeon said, but didn’t take her eyes from Jae Won. “Nice to meet you, Im Son Ji Yeon.” She took his hand and shook it.

“Im Lee Jae Won. I just saw Mi Hyun and thought I would say hi.” He explained, smiling quickly at Mi Hyun.

She could feel her heart pound against her chest. Having to be confronted about her marriage by Ji Yeon was bad enough, but then having Jae Won suddenly appear had really startled her. She had no reason to feel guilty, and yet she was. Jae Won and her were just friends, but Mi Hyun desperately didn’t want Ji Yeon to know she was meeting him for lunch when she was suppose to be married to Kang Ta. But then, she really was married to Kang Ta.

For the first time, it felt really wrong to be meeting alone with Jae Won. Nothing about their relationship was inappropriate, but she knew her feelings were. If she didn’t care so much for Jae Won she wouldn’t have felt that guilty. And if Jae Won was as comfortable as he seemed with their friendship, he wouldn’t have lied about just wanting to say hi.

“Why don’t you join us?” Ji Yeon asked, gesturing to the chair to her left.

“No, I can’t. I have to go, but it was nice meeting you Son Ji Yeon.” He nodded to Ji Yeon, then smiled almost sadly at Mi Hyun. “Mi Hyun.”

Ji Yeon watched him go and as soon as he was out of sight, she turned her attention back to Mi Hyun. “I need to hang around you more often. Who knows who I’ll meet? Have you gotten to meet Woo Hyuk? No? He’s so hot. If you ever do meet him, remember to give him my number.” She joked, then cocked her head to the side as a sudden epiphany struck. “I never thought much of Jae Won before, but now seeing him in person...”

Mi Hyun could feel her fists clench in reaction to Ji Yeon’s suggestive tone, so she hid them beneath the table.

“He’s so skinny but did you see how long his fingers are? You know what that means right?”

Mi Hyun got suddenly to her feet and grabbed for her bag. “I need to go.” She said quickly and threw what she hoped was enough money to cover the bill on the table.

“Oh Mi Hyun, don’t be such a prude, Im sorry.” But the way she was laughing, she obviously wasn’t sorry at all.

“No, I really have to be somewhere.”

Mi Hyun hurried from the restaurant as fast as she could manage with her dignity still in tact. She wanted to hit Ji Yeon. She wanted to cry. Most of all, she wanted to talk to Jae Won, but he was already gone.

\-----

Woo Hyuk yawned and waited patiently as his bladder emptied into the urinal of the small restaurant bathroom. He had held it for too long, wanting to get the interview over with before he excused himself, hoping it wouldn’t take as long as it actually had. It wasn’t as if the reporter has asked him anything he hadn’t been asked a million times before anyway.

Right before Woo Hyuk could shake himself dry, a stiff poke to his side made him jerk around with a start, yelling “Shit!” Ready to kill whoever had decided to accost him in the bathroom, but he found Tony smiling back at him.

“Fuck, you scared the shit out of me! And you made me get piss on my pants, great.” Woo Hyuk sighed, looking down at himself.

Tony laughed, seeing that he was right. “I knew I would scare you, but I didn’t think you would pee your pants.”

Woo Hyuk gave him a droll glare as he tucked himself back inside and took a paper cloth to wipe away the urine stain. “You are lucky you didn’t do that while I was zipping myself up.”  
“Oh yes.” Tony laughed. “We would both be at a great loss then.”

“Great loss.” Woo Hyuk said more emphatically to correct him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to have lunch and saw you were being interviewed. I was going to join you when she left, but you went to the bathroom so quickly, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well of course you couldn’t. Im irresistible.” Woo Hyuk tossed the damp cloth into the sink and went to grasp Tony, but he pulled back.

“Aren’t you going to wash your hands?”

“You got piss on my pants, you can get piss on your face.” Woo Hyuk said sweetly, taking Tony’s face firmly between his hands. He tried to kiss him, but Tony’s ‘ewwing’ and struggling made him unable.

The door to the bathroom creaked open and Woo Hyuk quickly pulled away, sticking his hands in the sink to begin washing them. Tony wasn’t as quick to react, and was thus less conspicuous, but began washing his face. The man that had entered came in to quickly wash his hands and left without paying them any mind.

“That was close.” Tony said lightly, smiling at Woo Hyuk in the mirror.

Woo Hyuk looked back at him, unamused. “It isn’t funny.” He said firmly. And it wasn’t. What if someone had seen them kiss? Woo Hyuk didn’t even know if there was anyone in the stalls. With that thought, he spun around to see all the stall doors wide open and the devoid of people.

“Geez you are being so jumpy.” Tony said softly. “If you are that worried why don’t you find yourself a bride?” He joked. Woo Hyuk looked at him darkly and Tony quickly lost the amusement in his face. “That wasn’t funny.” He admitted.

“No, it wasn’t.” Woo Hyuk said.

If it was Kang Ta that was making him so jumpy, he didn’t know, but since the wedding a month ago he couldn’t help but feel the pressure of Tony and his relationship pressing down upon him. Woo Hyuk wasn’t sure what he thought of the situation, because he wasn’t going to entertain the idea of whether Tony and he could stay together or not. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to let anyone else force him into a decision either, and that meant not getting caught with Tony in a public restroom.

“I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later.” Woo Hyuk turned to go, but Tony grabbed his arm.

“Im sorry, don’t leave mad.” Tony insisted.

“Im not mad. I really need to go.” Woo Hyuk quickly kissed him. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

\-----

Hee Jun had waited a long time in the hotel room before Kang Ta arrived. He wanted to make sure he had his bearings, that could go through with it. But, when Kang Ta came through the door and threw his arms around Hee Jun’s neck, it became very hard for him to say anything at all.

Kang Ta leaned back to look Hee Jun in the eye, and his expression changed to match one very much like Hee Jun imagined his must have been.

“What’s wrong?” Kang Ta asked, crestfallen.

It was harder then he had ever anticipated. Hee Jun had all intentions to meet Kang Ta and try to forget about their problems, but as their date neared he felt more and more anxiety. How many nights would they be meeting to just forget everything? Would they ever have a night together just for the joy of being together ever again?

“We need to talk.” Hee Jun said simply.

“No.” Kang Ta pulled back from his grasp. “Don’t do that now, please.”

“We have to. Just sit down.”

“Why?” Kang Ta demanded. “This is the first time I’ve seen you since- Since a month ago and you want to talk? Can we just forget about everything for one night? Please?” He pleaded, wrapping his arms around Hee Jun’s middle.

Hee Jun sighed and held him for a moment. Kang Ta relaxed as if he thought he had won, and Hee Jun felt all the more pressured to go on.

“We’ve been forgetting about everything for one night, every night.” He said softly and let his arms go slack when Kang Ta pulled away again.

“Fine. Fine, if we have to talk about everything then let’s do it now and get over it.” Kang Ta said quickly. “What do you want to say? I made a mistake? I’m selfish? I know!”

Hee Jun sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him patiently. “I wanted to say Im sorry.”

After a pause, Kang Ta narrowed his eyes in confusion. “What?”

Hee Jun motioned for Kang Ta to sit beside him, and when he did, reluctantly, he took his hand and squeezed it firmly. “I feel like I’ve made a lot of mistakes in our relationship. We were never like Tony and Woo Hyuk, they have been together for forever, and no matter how many fights they’ve had or distances between them, they always worked it out and stayed together. We’ve let things pull us apart so often. When we were young it was petty things, then when we got older it was just hard to see each other, so we drifted apart. But we were never honest about any of it. We always pretended the issues weren’t there. No matter what, we’ve always found each other again so I took it for granted that it would always be like that.”

“What are you trying to say?” Kang Ta asked apprehensively.

It was harder to say it to Kang Ta then it was to himself. He hadn’t expected to feel so terrible, not this much at least. It felt like he was being malicious, because he knew Kang Ta didn’t need to hear this right now. But, Hee Jun couldn’t have let it go on anymore. He couldn’t be in this situation anymore. He couldn’t let Kang Ta be in the situation anymore either.

“I should have been the one to step up, but I never did. I let us argue about unimportant crap while ignoring the real issues. I just wanted everything to be alright between us so I pretended it was. But it wasn’t, and now it’s really, really wrong.” Hee Jun paused to hold Kang Ta’s face with his free hand. “We wouldn’t be in this situation if we had been more honest with each other. We should have broken up if there was no other way to be together, because I don’t want this. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, not if you don’t love them. I don’t want to not be able to see you when I want to. I don’t want any of this at all. And Im not blaming you.” He added as Kang Ta’s mouth opened. “You shouldn’t have me holding you back anymore.”

“When did I say you held me back?” Kang Ta demanded.

“You never did. But I am. Everyone sees that but you.”

“Who? Everyone who?”

“With some prospective you’ll see that too.” Hee Jun said softly, ignoring his question. “We can’t date anymore. Not only like this, but at all, because Im sure we’ll find some way to make everything worse then it already is.”

Kang Ta shrugged off Hee Jun’s hand and grabbed his arms. “That isn’t true! Just stop, please. I don’t want to go through all this just to break up! Please don’t leave me. I’ll make this right, I promise.” He rambled desperately.

Hee Jun moved out of Kang Ta’s hold and gathered him into his arms, pressing a kiss against the side of his head. “It’s something we should have done a long time ago.” Hee Jun said gently. “If this is how we have to see each other, meeting in hotel rooms under fake names, then it’s not worth it. You deserve better then that, and so do I.” His voice broke suddenly. Taking a slow breath to continue, Hee Jun pulled Kang Ta back to look at him in the eye. “I love you so much, I really do.”

“I made a mistake.” Kang Ta said with a shallow voice. “I shouldn’t have married her, Im sorry. I never wanted this to happen, I just wanted us to be happy.”

“You weren’t thinking about us when you made the decision to marry her.” Hee Jun said firmly, startling Kang Ta. “You were thinking about what’s best for you.”

“Hee Jun-”

“No. That’s what you were doing, and that’s what you should have done, though you should have thought it through a little more. You should always do what’s best for you, and that’s not being with me, so its not what I want either.”

Kang Ta shook his head sadly and shut his eyes. “That’s not it. I thought things would be best this way. If you told me you would leave me, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“I know. And even if I did know, I doubt I would have told you. That’s why we can’t be together Kang Ta. We can’t be honest with each other, so we’ll be torn apart repeatedly. We might as well move on now.”

Hee Jun pulled Kang Ta into his arms again and kissed him softly. “I don’t know that I’ll ever love someone as much as I love you, but being in love isn’t enough anymore, we’re too old for that.”

“Please don’t.” Kang Ta said weakly, burring his head in Hee Jun’s neck.

“I want you to be happy Kang Ta.” Hee Jun said softly. “So please be happy. Become the best person you can be.”

Kang Ta’s hands became fists, balling Hee Jun’s shirt in his hands. “You’re wrong if you think I can be happy like this.” He cried.

“You’re wrong if you think we can live like this.” Hee Jun whispered, knowing if he said it any louder he would cry too. “I’ll always be here for you, I’ll always be your friend if you want me to be.”

Hee Jun waited, but Kang Ta didn’t say anything, so he left him without saying anything else.


	5. Chapter 5

The way he felt right now, with Mi Hyun in his home, it felt like one of the most exciting moments of Jae Won’s life. It obviously wasn’t, but he couldn’t help but feel that way as she eased in past him.

Since their lunch fell through with Mi Hyun’s friend being there, he had suggested they have a meal at his own place, and she had agreed. The whole day he waited and paced through his home nervously. Finally having her here was such a relief from his anxiety, he felt as though he might black out.

“I’m glad you came.” Jae Won wrapped his arm around Mi Hyun’s shoulders and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. It was so nice to be alone with her, instead of a public place. He could take the small liberties that he felt comfortable enough with. It seemed like he was betraying Kang Ta to become so close with Mi Hyun at first, but there was no reason why he should feel guilty. Kang Ta had kept his relationship with Hee Jun, there was no betrayal to make on Jae Won or Mi Hyun’s part.

Mi Hyun had been open to share her free time with him, and wasn’t adverse to any of his advancements, so Jae Won was sure she was comfortable enough with it as well. Even if they hadn’t so much as held hands.

“Jae Won?” She asked quietly. “Why is it the only books you own are mine?”

Jae Won followed her gaze to his end table that held her novels. Obviously he hadn’t prepared as much as he should have.

“Im not much of a reader.” He laughed, trying to not be too embarrassed about it.

“Did you read them?” She asked teasingly, pulling back to look up at him.

“I did. It took me a lot of sleepless nights, but I wanted to read them before you found out I hadn’t yet.” He admitted.

Mi Hyun laughed and covered her mouth for a second as if to hide a more telling smile. “I did the same with your albums.” She said brightly.

“You bought my albums?” Jae Won asked, honestly surprised. “I didn’t think you liked that type of music.”

“I don’t. Unless you are performing it.” She smiled so warmly when she said it, Jae Won wished he had gotten caught a lot sooner. “I want to thank you Jae Won.” She said suddenly. “I’ve felt so depressed and pressured because of the marriage, but you’ve been so wonderful to me.”

It wasn’t what Jae Won wanted to think about at that moment, the fact she was married to Kang Ta, but he was touched. “Im glad I could make you feel better then, because I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you.”

“Im glad.” Mi Hyun smiled and gave him a quick hug. “Meeting you makes every scary moment of the last few months worth it.”

Jae Won leaned down toward her even though his heart was trying to force him back. His first thought was to give her an awkward hug at the first unwelcome expression on her face, but to his shock, Mi Hyun met him half way, kissing him. It was so unexpected that Jae Won smiled against her mouth, then quickly kissed her back before she changed her mind.

When he pulled away she was smiling back at him. “I was starting to think you might not like me.” She admitted.

“I’ve liked you since I first met you.” Jae Won said and kissed her again while he had the opportunity.

\-----

At first, it was a relief to not find Kang Ta at home. He really was sweet and unintrusive, but after spending the day with Jae Won, Mi Hyun wanted to be alone and revel in it. For every uncomfortable moment between herself and Jae Won, where she was sure they were both wondering if the other had feelings for the other, their actual confession was simple. It was so sudden and utterly unromantic that Mi Hyun loved it even more. She felt pathetically silly since their fist kiss that she was very thankful that Kang Ta wasn’t around to see it. As the night went on though, she began to worry.

If Kang Ta was ever going to be home late, he would call. If he was ever going to stay out, he would tell her. Last night he had said he was staying with a friend and she hadn’t seen him since. Mi Hyun would normally assume he was still with his friend, but he assured her he would be home that afternoon. She may have been over reacting, but that was better then not being worried and something actually being wrong, right?

Jae Won picked up quickly when she called. “Hey Mi Hyun.” He greeted warmly.

“Jae Won,” She said, then felt herself smile uncontrollably. She was so sure he would be able to tell that she went on quickly, “I’m kind of worried. Kang Ta isn’t here and he said he would be home today. Im not really that concerned, I was just wondering if you knew where he was?”

“Oh.” Jae Won seemed a little disappointed and Mi Hyun wished she hadn’t called, or at least not gone right into talking about Kang Ta. “I bet he’s with Hee Jun. I’ll call and find out.”

“Oh! No, don’t do that, I should have figured that’s where he was.” She insisted, feeling utterly embarrassed.

“I’ll call and check. I wont tell him you were asking.”

“Thanks Jae Won. And thank for having me over today and I, uh.” She rubbed her cheek to make her blush subside. “I had a good time.” She finished.

“Me too.” He said. After a bit of silence he added, “I’ll call right back.”

\-----

Hee Jun didn’t know where Kang Ta was, but said he would find out, so Jae Won waited impatiently knowing that Mi Hyun was waiting for his call. Once his phone rang, he picked it up immediately.

“It’s alright, he’s at a hotel. I called to see if the reservation was extended.” Hee Jun said instead of saying hello.

“Why is he at a hotel?” Jae Won asked.

Hee Jun paused so long Jae Won wondered if the call got disconnected. “We broke up, so maybe he just wants time by himself.”

“You w-what?” Jae Won sputtered.

“Ya.” Hee Jun answered. After a long silence he continued. “I couldn’t let it go on like this. Could I?” He asked, seeming to not mean it rhetorically, but went on without waiting for an answer. “It didn’t seem like any of this was happening, the marriage I mean, until I would go to call Kang Ta and remembered he was there with her.

“It’s not as if I thought he would cheat on me with her, it was just that he had suddenly created another life that I wasn’t part of. I used to be in every part of his life. We were friends, lovers, we worked together. Then it became just friends and lovers and sometimes not even one or the other. Now there is a whole other part of his life that I’m left out of, and I know that I’m slowly being pushed away, whether he knows it or not. It’s not what I want.

“I don’t want to lose him, but if I have to, I would rather it be all at once. I don’t want to be slowly crushed under him because of everything I’m not and can’t do for him. If I was as important as he wishes I were to him, he wouldn’t have done any of this. But I can’t blame him for it. He thinks he does what he does for others, but that’s never it. It’s always been for him, and that would be fine if it weren’t always the wrong thing. Up until now, I’ve done what I can to make sure he felt safe with whatever he decided. I’ve tried so hard to make sure he always felt like he was doing the right thing and everything would end well.”

Hee Jun took a shallow breath and Jae Won could tell he was beginning to cry. “I can’t do it anymore because I can’t pretend that everything is okay. And I feel so horrible for that. I let him down, but I’m not wrong am I? I shouldn’t let myself fade away under Kang Ta and let him pretend he’s making the right choices when he’s just going to hurt himself, right?”

“Hee Jun...” Jae Won said slowly, at a loss of what to say. It had never occurred to him that Hee Jun and Kang Ta had ever had problems, they both seemed so secure and confident, at least in their relationship. Hee Jun especially.

“Jae Won, Im sorry.” Hee Jun laughed. “You didn’t call me for this, I didn’t mean to let load on you. It’s just, it happened recently so I’m still having doubts about what I’ve done.”

“I don’t think you are wrong.” Jae Won said suddenly as the thought occurred to him. “I know Kang Ta loves you, and if he knew you thought he was turning you away then he wouldn’t want that. You should be honest with him.”

“I’m hoping that he’ll become a stronger person without me. I hope that without me as a buffer that he’ll see things clearly and make himself happy. But I know that I can’t be part of his life if that happens, because I have never been good for him. We just become dependent on each other when things get hard instead of taking care of ourselves. I should have done this a long time ago, then maybe he wouldn’t have married that girl. Maybe he would have found a man he could feel safe enough with to be with regardless of what it would do to his career. Maybe he would have even found a women and have could have gotten married for real.”

“I feel bad.” Jae Won admitted. “I’m sorry I never knew you were having so many problems.”

“Don’t feel bad.” Hee Jun said gently. “It means a lot to me that you listened to all my bitching. I love you Jae Won.”

“I love you too.”

What should I do though? He wanted to ask Hee Jun. What should I do, because I love Mi Hyun. Is it selfish of me to complicate things more?

Mi Hyun answered her phone quickly when he finally got the courage to call.

“Hey Mi Hyun.” Jae Won said and regretted hearing hesitation in his voice. “Kang Ta is at hotel, I’m sure he’ll be home tomorrow.”

“Thanks so much. I’m sorry I called, I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“It’s no bother.” Jae Won said quickly. “I have to go, I’ll talk to you later.” And he hung up quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

When Mi Hyun heard the front door open that morning she expected Kang Ta to come in, but it was her father.

“Where the hell is Kang Ta?” He demanded. “I can’t get a hold of him and he missed his meeting today.”

“He’s at a hotel.” Mi Hyun told him, hoping that would be enough of an answer.

“Why the fuck is he at a hotel? Why isn’t he at the meeting?!” He was yelling at this point and Mi Hyun wished that she had stayed in her room and pretended to be asleep. It didn’t matter how old she was, being yelled at by her father was a crushing experience. It made her want to cry instantly, hoping he would take pity on her. The grown up in her forbade it though. She had to be able to be an adult, even though her father scared her worse then anyone else ever could.

“I’m sorry.” She said without knowing what she was apologizing for.

“This just fucking figures he would take off. Don’t you know how important it is to show up when you are expected? I don’t care who you are, if you don’t follow through with promises, no one will hire you!”

Mi Hyun’s father kept yelling, mostly to himself, almost too loud to notice when Kang Ta came inside. He looked oddly reserved. A bit confused as well, but that was because of her screaming father she assumed. Regardless, she felt relieved to see him, hoping he could take the blunt of her father’s anger.

“Where have you been?” Her father demanded once he noticed Kang Ta coming inside. “You know where you were suppose to be?”

“Im quitting the drama, so I didn’t go.” Kang Ta said simply.

“You what?” He sputtered.

“I didn’t want to do it to begin with, so Im quitting. Im going to concentrate on my next album and maybe take some time off.” He nodded to his manager’s silence and then smiled at Mi Hyun. “Good morning.”

“Good morning...” She greeted hesitantly.

Whatever Kang Ta had been doing the last two days, it seemed like it had given him a change of mind. Maybe he had done some sort of soul searching at the hotel. It might have sounded good to him, but as for Mi Hyun’s father...

“Are you jerking me off?” Her father finally asked.

“No. Im serious. If you could apologize for me for wasting their time?” Kang Ta asked moving into the kitchen.

Mi Hyun and her father followed.

“You can’t quit.” Her father said through clenched teeth. “They depended on you, you’ve signed contracts, you’ll lose us money if you back out. It’s already been released to the media that you’ll be in it! They’ll sue you!”

Kang Ta poured himself a glass of milk, only glancing back at his manager. “Then they’ll sue me.”

“What is the matter with you? Are you having some sort of mid life crisis? Because you are too fucking young for that! Are you trying to ruin your career?”

Kang Ta slammed his glass down and the milk slashed over onto his hand. “How can I ruin my career? Didn’t Mi Hyun save it? I’m in the clear now, nothing can touch me! I can do whatever the fuck I want from now on, so I’m just going to do what I want to.”

“Ya, I saved your career by giving my daughter to you.” Her father said darkly. “And you are fucking up anyway. After everything everyone has sacrificed for you, you should be doing your damndest to live up to your responsibilities!”

Kang Ta stared back at him in a detached way, but Mi Hyun saw his chin tremble. “I’m quitting the drama. I’ll cover your losses” He said softly and stormed off.

Her father watched his back and then took off through the front door without another word to her.

Mi Hyun listened to the silence for a moment trying to make sense of the situation. She couldn’t. And when she called Jae Won, her call went directly to voice mail.

\-----

Tony and Woo Hyuk laid together in Woo Hyuk’s dark bedroom. The silence was a bit heavier then usual. Woo Hyuk wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or not. He had become more and more preoccupied with his future with Tony despite his need to not think about it. The more he tried to forget about it, it became more evident that he shouldn’t.

“I’ve been thinking about Kang Ta.” Tony said suddenly.

“You can fantasize about who you want, but you don’t have to tell me about it every time.”

Tony looked confused at first but then laughed. “That’s not what I meant. As if I would tell you who I fantasize about.” He mocked.

Woo Hyuk smiled and pulled Tony closer to him to give him a quick kiss. “What about Kang Ta?” He asked as if he didn’t know.

“If you were a woman, would we get married? -Or if I was a woman..” He corrected at Woo Hyuk’s indignant expression.

“Yes, but how does that matter? Unless you get a sex change?”

“At what point do we decide what to do about us? Either we have to break up or find some way to stay together. I’m not going to find a bride, and neither are you. It isn’t fair to anyone.”

“We could go public.” Woo Hyuk suggested, half kidding.

“Would you?” Tony asked seriously.

Would he? “Not now I wouldn’t. Would you?”

“Yes.” Tony answered quickly.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

Woo Hyuk looked back into Tony’s eyes and saw vulnerability he couldn’t respond to without being honest. “Well, I can’t. Not now.”

Tony smiled at him, but they both knew it wasn’t genuine. “That’s alright. We have all the time in the world.”

“If you’re being sarcastic, I would like to remind you that we are hardly old yet. We have a lot of time to ruin our careers. Let’s at least see if they can die naturally.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Tony mumbled and wrapped himself more tightly against Woo Hyuk.

They both made an unspoken decision to not say another word for the rest of the night.

\-----

Hee Jun rolled onto his side and clenched his eyes shut. The pain he had been feeling was becoming more intense, both physically and emotionally. His joints and stomach had begun to hurt days ago, and breaking up with Kang Ta had him rattled. It seemed like his body was becoming as unsure and as unsettled as his mind was.

It was a race to see what one would die first.


	7. Chapter 7

Hee Jun sat down on the empty bench and looked up at the hospital. It seemed to loom over him when he was sitting just outside it’s walls. Whenever he was there, it seemed like the building was a threatening deity that was going to pass some judgment on him. The lab worked away on his future as the hospital’s many windows looked down at him critically. He had gone in for tests, was admitted, and now waited for results. God have mercy on him for once, please.

It seemed like a good idea to go outside for fresh air at the time, but now the stillness of the outdoors was disturbing him. He couldn’t stand the peace anymore. He couldn’t stand the quiet or fresh air either.

Hee Jun checked his cell phone and was disappointed to see he had no missed calls or text messages from Kang Ta. Either he had decided Hee Jun had been right and was moving on, or he was sulking. Hee Jun wished he could call him then though, to tell him what was going on. But, even if they hadn’t broken up he still wouldn’t have. It wasn’t as if Hee Jun knew anything yet, and Kang Ta would have been too busy to come anyway.

As Hee Jun went to pocket his cell phone, it rang. Ignoring the pang of disappointment upon seeing Tony’s name on the ID, he answered it.

“Hey Tony, what’s up?”

“Hi Hee Jun! Im coming by to see you, I thought we could have lunch.”

“I’m out right now.” Hee Jun dismissed him easily.

“Where at? I’ll meet you somewhere.”

“Im getting some tests done at the National University so I don’t know how long I’ll be.” It was no secret he wasn’t exactly healthy, so he didn’t expect Tony to have thought much of it.

“Are you alright?” Tony asked darkly.

“I don’t know, probably.” He admitted.

“It’s in Bundang right? I’ll be there soon.”

“Tony you don’t have to come-“ But Hee Jun had already been hung up on.

\-----

Tony edged into Hee Jun’s private room. “You awake?” He asked softly.

Hee Jun sat up in the bed and motioned him to come in. “Ya, I was just laying down.”

Tony pulled a chair close to the bed and sat beside him. “I thought you were just getting some tests done?”

“I am.”

“You were admitted into the hospital. What’s going on?”

“They only admitted me because I was having stomach pains and I vomited. It’s nothing serious.”

Tony looked at him skeptically, but what else could he say? It really wasn’t a big deal. The hospital was always overly cautious, and he expected to be released as soon as the test results came back.

“Does Kang Ta know you’re here?” Tony asked.

“No. There is no reason for him to know. Besides, we broke up.” He added hesitantly.

There was a moment where Tony had no reaction to that but his eyes suddenly widened. “You what?!”

“I don’t really want to talk about it now.”

“Who broke up with who?” Tony asked, ignoring his request.

“I broke up with him.” Hee Jun sighed.

“But why?!”

“If you were in my place, would you have stayed with Woo Hyuk?” He asked crossly.

Tony didn’t answer, but he looked ill.

“Im sorry. I just feel like crap and Im taking it out on you. I told you not to come. Well, I tried to.” Hee Jun reached over and wrapped an arm around Tony’s neck and tugged on his ear. “I’ll stop treating my guest so badly.” He laughed at Tony’s annoyed look.

The doctor walked into the room suddenly, and Hee Jun sat up again, sobered.

“Hello again.” The doctor smiled at Hee Jun. “Im sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?” He said to Tony and shook his hand. “Im Dr. Hong.”

“An Seung Ho. Its nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Dr. Hong pulled another chair out and sat down. “I know you planned on going home today, Mr. Moon, but we’re going to keep you over night for observation and make sure we can send you home in as little pain as possible, okay?”

“Okay.” Hee Jun said reluctantly. He didn’t want to stay, but was more concerned with not hearing anything about his test results yet, and the fact the doctor had to sit down to tell him that.

“We took a few samples from you, and it seems to be a little more serious then we anticipated. You have cirrhosis of the liver.”

Hee Jun felt Tony’s hand curl around his, but his limbs soon went numb and he couldn’t tell if Tony was still holding onto him or not.

“It’s most likely because of your hepatitis, but there could be some other factors. You’ll have to stop drinking alcohol completely and we’ll get you on some medication, a diet, and an exercise routine. We can’t reverse what’s already happened but we can slow it down.”

Hee Jun could feel his stomach lurch within him but he clenched his jaw and forced himself to calm down. It could be worse, he reminded himself. It’s been worse. Forget the fact that it just [i]figured[/] this was happening to him. Forget the wonderful timing. Forget the fact that he might have brought this on himself.

“I’m really feeling a lot better then I was, is there any way I could be released tonight? I can come back tomorrow to pick up any prescriptions If they wont be ready today.”

“Maybe you should just stay tonight like they want.” Tony said softly before the doctor could answer.

“I would really rather we kept you at least one night, just to be safe.” The doctor said.

“I just want to go home.” Hee Jun thought he had said it with some amount of ease, but he felt Tony’s hand again, squeezing through the numbness that had now overtaken his whole body.

\-----

Much to his shock, Jae Won saw Mi Hyun parked in front his house when he came outside. She didn’t seem to notice him at first, so there was a moment where he thought he might have been wrong, but she met his eyes and smiled her greeting toward him. A part of him was ecstatic to see her, but the other was apprehensive. Regardless, he hurried to meet her as she got out of her car.

“Mi Hyun, what are you doing here?”

“I came to see you. The last time we talked was almost a week ago.” Mi Hyun explained. “I figured you were busy, but you never returned my calls. I probably shouldn’t have come here, but I wanted to know if something was wrong.” She looked uneasy about admitting it, and the tension coming off of her was palpable.

Jae Won felt utterly guilty. He hadn’t thought of what it might look like when he avoided her. He also hadn’t known it had been that long since they last spoken to one another. It seemed like it had all just happened. That he had just kissed her, that Hee Jun had just told him he had left Kang Ta.

“I’m sorry I haven’t returned your calls. I’ve been really distracted lately.” He said allusively, then decided against it. What use was it to lie to her? He didn’t want to do that. “Do you know Kang Ta and Hee Jun broke up?”

By the look on her face, it was evidently news to her. “When? Why?”

“The night you called me about where Kang Ta was, they broke up. It was because of this.” He motioned to her so she knew the ‘this’ was her, then thought better of it and motioned toward everything in general.

“Kang Ta hasn’t said anything, but when he came back home that night he quit the show he was working on. He’s been around a lot more then usual, but I didn’t think anything of it.” Her voice trailed off as she tried to remember any tell-tale signs of a break up, but she couldn’t think of what those would have been for Kang Ta, she didn’t really know him.

“I should have called you back. I didn’t mean to blow you off, I feel horrible.” Jae Won apologized as adamantly as possible.

“That’s alright. I know you’re busy, I shouldn’t have assumed anything.” She smiled weakly up at him.

“Assumed what?”

“That we were...” She shrugged, “I don’t know, that we were something now.” Mi Hyun didn’t meet his eyes, embarrassed.

Jae Won felt all the more guilty. “I want us to be. I really like you and I thought that was okay because Kang Ta was involved with someone. Now it feels like I’m invading Kang Ta’s life unnecessarily. This whole situation is really hard and confusing. I don’t want to make matters worse.” Jae Won explained.

“What about me?” Mi Hyun asked, seemingly put upon.

“What do you mean?”

“You were fine with spending time with me when Kang Ta was attached, but now that he’s not you’re having second thoughts? I don’t understand.” She seemed cross, startling Jae Won.

“I didn’t mean that I wasn’t thinking about your feelings.” He said quickly. “It’s just that now Kang Ta and Hee Jun are split up, your marriage is a little more real. I don’t know if I have the right to come between you.”

“Are you suggesting that because Kang Ta is single that he and I might try to make a real marriage?” She waited long enough to see the admitting look on Jae Won’s face before she laughed. “I’m sorry, that’s really funny.”

Jae Won smiled self-consciously despite himself.

“I know you are Kang Ta’s friend and you don’t want to cause any trouble between him and Hee Jun, but I’m not the trouble. I was never an issue in any of this, I’ve just been a pawn. No matter what happens between them it should have nothing to do with the two of us. I really like you and I was hoping that our relationship could be as separate from them as possible. I thought you felt the same way.”

“I do, but you know we’re always going to have Kang Ta as a factor in our relationship.”

“I’m hoping that will be an outside influence. That the important part would be between the two of us.”

“It is.” He said, then corrected himself. “It will be. I wish we could have met each other under different circumstances but I’ll do whatever I can to make things as normal as possible.” He leaned down to kiss her, then added, “We won’t have to let Kang Ta or anyone else effect us.”


	8. Chapter 8

Kang Ta was a bit surprised to see Tony so suddenly at his door. It wasn’t like him to show up unannounced. What was the most disconcerting was the strained look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Kang Ta asked hesitantly as Tony walked inside.

“Can we talk?”

“Of course, what’s wrong?” He asked again.

Tony glanced past the entry hall and Kang Ta realized who he was looking for.

“She’s in her room, but we can talk inside my bedroom if you want some more privacy?”

Tony nodded so Kang Ta led them inside his room. The longer it was taking to get Tony to talk, the more nervous Kang Ta got. He didn’t want to react too soon because he was sure his imagination was going to make something out of nothing.

“Hee Jun told me not to talk to you about it.” Tony admitted as soon as he was seated.

A bit of relief went through Kang Ta. Tony must had just heard about their break up. “Was he worried I was just going to get upset?” He asked, becoming more frustrated then he wanted to admit. “Like I’m not upset now? Besides, it isn’t like we haven’t broken up before.”

They had in fact broken up many times, but never in any honest sort of way, as Hee Jun had pointed out. It was always done with a simple ‘let’s see other people’, knowing full well it was only for the time being. At least, that had always been Kang Ta’s understanding.

Tony didn’t seem to be listening to him. “If I was in your place I would want to know about Woo Hyuk.” He said, confusing Kang Ta and worrying him all over again. “I saw Hee Jun a few days ago, he was in the hospital.”

Kang Ta felt the blood drain from his face. “Why?”

“He has cirrhosis. It’s damage to his liver, scaring on it.” Tony explained when Kang Ta didn’t seem to understand. “The doctor said it wasn’t that serious yet, but I’m scared, and I know Hee Jun is too.”

There was a long silence between them, and Kang Ta could see Tony look at him with worry, but he couldn’t find it in himself to respond yet. His mind was racing through the billion reactions he wanted to have, and a billion more questions he wanted answered.

“Did he know before?” Kang Ta asked after a long moment.

“Before what?”

“Before he broke up with me.” Kang Ta elaborated sharply.

“No, I was with him when he found out. It was just a few days ago.” Tony paused for a second and added, “Does that make it better?”

Kang Ta noted the contempt in his voice and reacted impulsively to it. “What am I suppose to say to you when you come and tell me this?!” When Tony didn’t answer he took a second to control his anger. “If he still wants to be friends he could have told me. Instead he tells you, and then makes you promise not to tattle, as if we’re children! Why wouldn’t he tell me about this?”

“I don’t know. Maybe that says more about you then it does about him.” Tony said meeting Kang Ta’s eyes with a pointed look. “Do you want me to go?” He asked after an uncomfortable pause.

“No.” Kang Ta said softly, then lowered his head into his hands. “Is it just me, or were things a lot better before I tried fixing them?”

“It’s not just you.” Tony said, putting his arm around Kang Ta. “But if you hadn’t done anything, you would be in a different sort of mess. Let’s just hope this was the lesser of two evils.”

\-----

Mi Hyun waited in the kitchen, for the first time in her marriage actually hoping see her husband. The day before she had met Jae Won and he informed her Kang Ta and Hee Jun had broken up. If it was her place to say something or not to Kang Ta, she didn’t know, but she wanted to at least see him. She wanted to make sure he was okay.

Neither Kang Ta nor her really knew each other, but Mi Hyun realized they were a lot alike. Maybe no one else could understand why he was in the position he was in, but she thought she could. If someone was to tell her she wouldn’t be able to write books again she would be crushed. Even if she could still write, it wouldn’t be the same as getting published. That was her livelihood, it was her pride, and it was her life. Kang Ta’s music must have been the same to him.

Mi Hyun had never had anyone in her life like Hee Jun was in Kang Ta’s, so she couldn’t imagine how either of them were feeling, but she knew it couldn’t be easy. The closest she had come to what they had was Jae Won, and she hardly knew him. Somehow though, it seemed like he meant more to her then anyone else she had ever had a relationship with. No one made her feel as at ease as him. No one made her feel as normal or as wanted. If she had met him before the whole mess with Kang Ta, she knew she wouldn’t have gotten married. If she had to lose Jae Won now, it would break her heart.

The phone began to ring and Mi Hyun waited to see if Kang Ta was going to come out of his room to answer it. She had never answered the phone, it wasn’t really hers. There wasn’t any sign that Kang Ta was coming though, so she took the liberty to answer it herself.

“Hello?” Her father answered on the other line.

“It’s Mi Hyun.”

“Where’s Kang Ta? He isn’t answering his cell phone.”

\-----

The ringing had stopped, so Kang Ta assumed he was in the clear, but shortly there after Mi Hyun lightly knocked on the door.

“Kang Ta? My father is on the phone, he wants to speak with you.” She called awkwardly.

He wanted to tell her to hang up on him, or at least tell her to say he was busy. That wouldn’t help though, because his manager would most likely come to the house. And sending Mi Hyun to fight his battles wasn’t fair to her.

Kang Ta opened the door and tried not to make eye contact with her as he made his way to the phone. It was hard to miss the curious look on her face though, or the pity she had once she got a look at him. He knew he must have looked terrible. He hadn’t slept in he didn’t know how long, and his eyes felt so swollen he was surprised he could see at all.

“Ya?” He answered the phone.

“I talked with the producers, you can still be on the show. I know you said you don’t want to do it,” He added quickly, “but reconsider. I’ll make a concession, you can be a reoccurring character, you’ll film for just a few weeks at the most.”

Kang Ta wanted to agree to do it, he really did. It wasn’t because he wanted to do the show though, it was because he knew he was being counted on, and that it would be good for his career. Those were the things that got him into the position he was in now though. Married to a stranger and shut out of Hee Jun’s life. He wouldn’t be doing it anymore.

“Thank you for putting work into this, but I really don’t want to be on the show. I wont be doing it. Please apologized to them for the trouble I’ve caused.”

Mi Hyun was watching him as he hung up the phone. It was odd for her to linger, she usually was shut inside of her bedroom. It seemed like the tables had turned for the two of them lately. Kang Ta was trying to seclude himself and she was treating him as if she were walking on egg shells.

“Can I make you something to eat?” She asked softly.

“No thank you, I’m not hungry.”

Just as he began to move toward the door, she straightened and stopped him with an expectant look. “Are you alright? I know that- I mean...” She looked uneasily at him as if she wasn’t sure what she should say. “You and Hee Jun broke up.”

That surprised him a little. “It’s that obvious?”

Mi Hyun looked uneasy, but shrugged. “Are you alright?” She asked.

“No. I feel stupid and scared.” He admitted without meaning to.

“Scared of what?”

“Scared of myself. I feel like I woke up in the middle of this mess, like I got here without any control over it. I’m scared that I’m going to open my eyes again and be in even more trouble. I don’t know what to do.” Kang Ta covered his eyes when he realized he had started crying again. “I want everything to just be solved, but I don’t know how.”

“Im sorry. This must be hard for you.”

Kang Ta could hear her move, so he dropped his hand to find her standing in front of him. She was a great deal smaller then him but looked so grounded. It seemed like she was ready to hear all of his problems as if she could do anything about them. That wasn’t possible, Kang Ta knew, but he also realized that he had let his guard down suddenly to a girl he expected to crack under the least bit of pressure. Mi Hyun wasn’t what he had thought she was. But then, if he was being honest, he had never actually thought of her as a person. She was just another burden to him.

What was the matter with him? He couldn’t remember ever seeing anyone before as just a pawn to be used. When had he gotten that way? Why did everything have to fall apart around him before he realized it?

“You must hate me.” Kang Ta said suddenly.

Mi Hyun’s eyes widened but she didn’t seem completely shocked. “I don’t hate you at all. I feel sorry for you.”

Kang Ta smiled down at her. “I think that’s worse.”

\-----

“When will you be releasing your new album?” The pseudo-journalist asked.

“It should be out in the Spring. I’m hoping to release it before May, but we’ll have to see.” Jae Won answered.

The photographer took a shot of him suddenly, making Jae Won uncomfortable. Taking photos for the magazine was one thing, but it was a little intimidating for the photographer to be fluttering around him while he was doing the interview. Without even looking at her, Jae Won knew his stylist was itching to fix his hair, clothes, anything at all.

“Your former band mate Kang Ta recently got married. Do you have any plans on getting married?” The interviewer asked spiritedly.

Jae Won hoped to hell he didn’t look uneasy, seeing as how he was still having the camera going off in his face, but he couldn’t help but think of Mi Hyun just then. What if they decided to get married? Even if was years from now and she was divorced from Kang Ta, how would that look?

“I don’t know. If I find the right girl I will.” He answered vaguely.

“Are you seeing anyone now?”

“No.”

That wasn’t the first time he lied about not dating someone, but this time it seemed harder to do. It was, after all, the first time he was dating his friend’s wife.


	9. Chapter 9

Kang Ta quietly let himself into Hee Jun’s room. It was dark and he was laying in bed, turned to the wall. At first Kang Ta thought he might have been awake, but then saw his shallow breathing and decided Hee Jun’s mother had been right when she said he was asleep.

Kang Ta laid down carefully next to him, trying not to rattle the bed or touch him. Hee Jun didn’t tend to be a light sleeper, but this was the first time Kang Ta had ever entered a bed uninvited.

Facing Hee Jun’s back, Kang Ta felt the wall between them even more firmly then at any other point in their relationship. He hadn’t realized one was there at all until Hee Jun had pointed it out, but now it seemed impossible to miss.

There was a lot they both unconsciously agreed to ignore. The biggest issue, was how they would stay together, and so Kang Ta took it upon himself to fix that problem on his own. If they had talked it out, could things have been different? It was hard to imagine, being so deep into it now as he was, but Kang Ta regretted not trying to work out some sort of resolution that wouldn’t have resulted so badly.

Kang Ta felt ridiculous for everything now. Not just the marriage, but almost everything he could remember doing in his and Hee Jun’s relationship. He felt ridiculous knowing that Hee Jun had seen him for what he really was the whole time. Selfish, foolish, everything else that someone would have to be in order to bring everyone around him down this far. He had effected everyone around him with his decision to be married. Hee Jun, obviously. Mi Hyun, sadly. His manager, just as obvious and sad. Tony, who now treated him as if he was a foolish child. Everyone who knew the truth and had to lie for him. Who knew who else was involved at this point?

So much of him wanted to curl up and die, knowing there wasn’t any way to go back now. But, he wasn’t going to continue to be that self centered, yet defeatist, person anymore. If he wanted to fix anything, he had to start being a clear thinking adult. He had to do what he knew would end right, instead of what just felt right. And what felt right to him right then was laying beside Hee Jun, invited or not.

He felt apprehensive to come to Hee Hun’s home, but knew that he should. The fear was from not knowing how it would be between Hee Jun and himself anymore, not knowing if he would be rejected. But he had to be there, because he knew he couldn’t make any right choices if he didn’t have Hee Jun beside him. No matter if they weren’t always honest with each other, they were at least dependable. They had that much, the rest could be built on that foundation.

Kang Ta laid there for what he knew was a long time, staring at Hee Jun, who was obliviously sleeping, and thought silently to himself. The shadows in the room grew longer and Kang Ta felt himself drift off a few times but kept his eyes open. He was having the hardest time allowing himself to fall asleep in the past week, or year really. Every new day seemed to bring on some new problem.

Without any tell-tale fussing, Hee Jun rolled over toward Kang Ta. At first he seemed surprised to see him, but quickly looked calmly back into his eyes. Kang Ta wondered if he thought he was dreaming, but was sure he could feel Kang Ta’s breath on his face like Kang Ta could feel Hee Jun’s on his.

Neither said anything for a long moment but finally Hee Jun gave in. “Hello.” He said softly, in reverence to the silent room.

“How are you feeling?” Kang Ta asked just as quietly but heavily enough that Hee Jun knew what he referred to.

“Honestly?” When Kang Ta nodded Hee Jun answered, “I’m pissed. I’m tired. I’m too pissed and tired to be worried anymore. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

“That’s good. Maybe if you rest and scream, you’ll feel perfect.”

Hee Jun laughed at that. “Or I’ll have bed sores and a bloody throat on top of everything else. Tony told you I guess, he’s a gossip.”

“I don’t suppose you didn’t want him to tell me because you wanted to tell me yourself?” Kang Ta asked, knowing full well that wasn’t the case, but hoping this would get a truthful answer from him.

Hee Jun looked at him thoughtfully before answering. “I thought about calling you.” He admitted. “But what would I have said? And besides, there isn’t anything you could do, so I didn’t want you to worry. That wouldn’t help anyone.”

Kang Ta could feel himself tense at that, and knew Hee Jun recognized it too because he looked guilty. “It’s my right to know and to worry if I want to. Even if we aren’t dating, I hope I mean a little more to you then Tony does. I don’t want you deciding what I should and shouldn’t worry about. If we were in opposite positions, wouldn’t you have wanted me to tell you?”

“Yes,” Hee Jun answered patiently. “But we’re different people.”

“Meaning what? That you can handle things better then I can?”

“No.” He answered quickly, then hesitated. “Yes, maybe.”

“Maybe you are stronger then I am, but you sure as hell are less intelligent. Not telling me what’s going on with you hurts me a lot more then if you had. At least I could have worried with you, I could have been proactive in some way. But you didn’t tell me anything, so I have to sit alone, just wondering what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking. Knowing I’m not important enough for you to tell me anything.” Kang Ta’s eyes began to sting and Hee Jun laid a hand on his cheek, wiping the tears away with his thumb. “You never give me the chance to be selfless.” Kang Ta continued, accepting the comfort despite his anger. “You make me feel like I’m a pain in the ass, so just I feel angry and become a person not worth confiding in.”

“Im sorry.” Hee Jun apologized, still stroking his cheek. “If I had known that, I would have told you. That’s why we ruin things, we aren’t honest with each other until it’s too late.”

“That’s our biggest problem, right, honesty?” Kang Ta asked.

“I can blame a lot that’s happened on lack of honesty.” Hee Jun pointed out.

“I think you lie to me more then I lie to you.” Kang Ta said. “I don’t remember ever lying to you.”

“Lying can be just not telling me something.”

“Then you agree you do it too?” Kang Ta looked back at him sternly for a second. “I admit I’ve lied like that then, but I don’t think it was ever anything that important.”

“You’ve never told me why you love me.” Hee Jun said seriously.

“You said before that love wasn’t enough anymore, so why does it matter?”

Hee Jun smiled. “I guess it doesn’t.” He began pulling his hand away from Kang Ta’s face, but Kang Ta grasped it and held it between them on the bed.

“I love you because I never have to explain myself to you.” Kang Ta answered belatedly. “You’ve known me for so long that you understand me perfectly, and despite how fucked up I am, you still care about me. Because no matter how long we go without seeing each other, we pick up right where we left off. It never seems like there was distance or time between us. Because of the way you make me feel. Even when we’re fighting or you’ve hurt me, you’ve never made me feel worthless, maybe unwanted, but never worthless or disrespected. Because I can’t imagine spending my life without you. Because you love me.”

Hee Jun smiled slowly at him. “You never mentioned how sexy I am.”

Kang Ta smiled back at him. “I thought we were suppose to be honest.” He joked back, glad see the mood get suddenly light, even though Hee Jun started it in an attempt to break the tension.

“You little shit.” Hee Jun laughed loudly, shattering the quiet of the room, and pulled Kang Ta closely to him. “I thought we were fighting, how did we get like this so suddenly?” He asked, indicating the teasing and their laying together in his bed.

“We weren’t fighting. I refuse to fight anymore.” Kang Ta settled into Hee Jun’s arms and waited for as long as possible before ending the comfortable silence between them. “Now what?” He asked. “We love each other and we’re being honest, so what’s the next problem to solve?”

“I didn’t know that’s what we were doing. If you had a secret agenda you should have told me, because I thought you were here for a quicky.”

“I’m here to solve things the right way. You wanted to be honest, we’ll be honest. We have to work out our problems, so what’s the next problem?” Kang Ta asked analytically.

Hee Jun’s expression saddened. “Kang Ta, I didn’t mean that we only had things to work out between us. We could be together again at any time, we could even have mature relationship, that doesn’t mean our problems are over. You’re married now, set up or no, you have a responsibility to Mi Hyun. And even if you didn’t, remember why we are in this situation. What’s going to happen to your career?”

“What about yours?” Kang Ta asked shortly. “You act like im the only one in the public eye.”

“I don’t care about that. I’ve spent too much time worrying about what people think of me. My family knows about us, my friends know about us. I could care less about anyone else. I can still make music even if no one will buy it. I’ll just burn the recordings myself and exchange them for food and toilet paper. Or I’ll let you support me.” He teased.

“So if my career didn’t matter, we could be together?”

“Sure. We’ll be boyfriend and girlfriend forever.” Hee Jun kissed his cheek playfully.

“I don’t want to date you again.” Kang Ta said, and then quickly continued before he thought Hee Jun had time to react. “I think you were right, we can’t date because we just mess it up. Besides, I’m too old to be dating. I want to just be with you. Can we do that? Stop dating and just...be together indefinitely?”

“You mean get married?” Hee Jun laughed.

“Yes, let’s get married.” Kang Ta smiled back at him.

“As if there hasn’t been enough of that. Did you have some surgery since the last time we’ve seen each other?” Hee Jun asked, glancing down between them.

Kang Ta ignored him. “I may be married now, but I have no real marriage. We can have a real marriage together, even if it isn’t legal.”

Hee Jun nodded at that. “I’ll meet you at the door every night to ask you how your day was, and have dinner waiting for you. I’ll rub your feet and birth your babies. We’ll be so much like a real married couple that it wont matter that we’re not, right?”

He may have been teasing, but it was such a difference to Kang Ta from the withdrawn figure he had laid down with. Never would he have thought he would be ending the night in Hee Jun’s arms, joking about being married. But that was another reason he loved Hee Jun. When Kang Ta thought things would end badly, Hee Jun would make it better. But then again, when he thought things were going well, Hee Jun made them terrible.

Kang Ta laughed at his own thoughts but let Hee Jun assume it was at his humor.

“I want you to understand how serious I am about this Kang Ta.” Hee Jun said, suddenly serious again. “Things won’t ever be as good as you want them to be, as either of us wants them to be. You can’t solve all our problems, and I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives playing tag.”

“Can you honestly tell me that you don’t want to at least try to make things right?”

“I’ve been telling you that I’m trying to make things right! Have you not been listening to anything I say?” Hee Jun laughed, but it stemmed from obvious frustration.

“You want to make things right by breaking up. We got into trouble together, how do you expect us to get out of it separately? I know I’ve made wrong decisions, but so have you. You owe it to me to stick this out with me. I could kill you for breaking up with me. I could kill you for a lot of things.”

Hee Jun looked back at him in mock terror. “My jaded ex breaks into my house and climbs into bed with me. If I make it out of here alive, I’ll write my story.”

“And your real response is?” Kang Ta asked impatiently.

“Maybe God gave me cirrhosis as punishment for breaking up with you. You should go easy on me.”

Kang Ta felt the pain of the statement shoot through his chest. “Shut up.” He snapped at him harder then he intended, feeling his eyes brim with tears again.

“I’m sorry, I was kidding.” Hee Jun said gently, trying to take hold of Kang Ta’s face, but he buried it into Hee Jun’s chest.

Even to Kang Ta it seemed counter productive to press into Hee Jun in an attempt to get away from him, but he knew if he got out of the bed, he might never be able to enter it again.

Hee Jun gave up and rubbed his back. “See, I’m a terrible person. Maybe you really should kill me.” He was interrupted when Kang Ta pinched his side. “Okay! I really am sorry!” He laughed. “Come on, I’ll be serious.” He urged Kang Ta who pulled back enough to continue their conversation. “Alright, I’m game. What do we do to solve all our problems?”

“I have no idea.” Kang Ta admitted. “When we do solve this though, we’ll get married.” He added softly.

“Alright.” Hee Jun laughed

He thought Kang Ta was kidding, but he wasn’t. “And don’t let me hear about you being in the hospital from Tony ever again.”

“I’ll bypass the hospital and come straight to you. Happy now?”

Kang Ta sighed heavily but couldn’t help but smile. “No. But I’m going to try to be as soon as possible.”

\-----

It was well past any decent hour but Mi Hyun was still on the computer. She had meant to get some work done, but had gotten distracted. Kang Ta had left that evening to see Hee Jun, but it was already past three AM, so Mi Hyun didn’t expect him to be coming home anytime soon.

Deciding to check her e-mail before finally going to bed, Mi Hyun logged into her hanmail account to find she had an abnormal amount of e-mails. They weren’t spam, they were from friends, or acquaintances. It was immediately disconcerting to get e-mails so suddenly from everyone in her address book.

Mi Hyun clicked the first letter but couldn’t register the words inside, because all she could see was the photo that had been forwarded to her. It was taken from across Jae Won’s street, she could tell that from the gate and the fact that her car was in the center of the photo. Jae Won and her were beside it, kissing.


	10. Chapter 10

Kang Ta could hear the obscene hollering as soon as he opened his front door. He had left the apartment in Mi Hyun’s hands the night before, and had expected to come home to complete silence, as per usual. She wasn’t the one screaming though. Kang Ta recognized it right away as his manager’s voice.

Just inside the living room, Mi Hyun cried helplessly while her father yelled at her. “What the fuck were you thinking?!” He demanded. “Do you know what you’ve done?!”

“What happened?” Kang Ta asked loudly, moving in between them.

“We’re fucked.” His manager snapped, then looked past him to Mi Hyun. “You fucked us over! I trusted you, how could you do this?”

“Do what?” Kang Ta demanded, trying to get his attention back. Mi Hyun was sill sobbing behind him and he couldn’t think of anything she could have done to cause her father to become so angry at her. He was usually only this mad at Kang Ta.

“This.” Mi Hyun’s father said, pointing to the open laptop on the coffee table.

Kang Ta had to look at it for a few seconds before he recognized what it was he was seeing on the screen. “You and Jae Won?” He asked, turning to Mi Hyun. She didn’t answer, but she looked so guilty he could only assume he was right. “That is-“ He stopped himself before he could say ‘so cute’. “It’s alright.” He said instead. “You guys would make a cute couple.”

Suddenly the place got quiet. His manager wasn’t yelling any longer and Mi Hyun had stopped crying enough to look at him, perplexed. Kang Ta was sure they thought he didn’t get it, but he did. Feeling completely helpless had given him a sense of clarity in his life. Having Hee Jun on his side again gave him focus. He would have been unstoppable if he had any sort of plan.

The house phone began to ring and Kang Ta remembered he still had his cell phone off. He couldn’t begin to go answer it though, because the sound seemed to shatter whatever bit of calm they had achieved. Mi Hyun was in tears again, and her father was yelling.

“Are you drunk? Whether they make a good couple or not doesn’t matter, she’s your wife! What the hell is the matter with you Kang Ta?” He demanded. “After everything that we have done for you, you just up and quit your job and now that this fucking thing” he waved to Mi Hyun “happened, you don’t even seem to give a shit! You two seem so dead set on fucking everything up, you are made for each other!”

“I made a mistake, we all did.” Kang Ta said sternly, refusing to let him ramble on anymore. “We shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have agreed to complicate everyone’s lives. You shouldn’t have given up your daughter.” He turned fully around to face Mi Hyun. “You shouldn’t have agreed to this. I thought out of all of us, you would have been the smartest one.” Neither of them answered him so he looked between them helplessly. “I want to stop making mistakes, would anyone like to join me?” He asked.

“You’ve lost your mind.” Mi Hyun’s father said darkly. “I gave you my daughter because I care about you, I care what happens to you. I’ve busted my ass trying to take care of you. How dare you talk to me like that.”

“I’m sorry.” Kang Ta apologized honestly. “I know you’ve given up a lot for me, more than your daughter. I know that you’re trying to do what’s best for me, so I trusted you, but you were wrong. I’m trying to fix our mistakes.”

“You can’t fix anything. You are only going to make things worse if you don’t start thinking! How can you throw away the sacrifices that everyone has made? Not just now, but from the start, because if you fuck up now, our work was for nothing.” His voice was beginning to calm and Kang Ta recognized it as his authoritative tone. He wasn’t talking as Mi Hyun’s enraged father anymore, but as his disapproving manager.

“If my career ended today, then I can at least appreciate all that I’ve achieved. If I have to continue hurting and using people, I may die famous but I’ll hate myself. If you would just realize what we’ve done, how stupid this is, you’ll agree.” Kang Ta urged.

“Things aren’t black and white Kang Ta. You’re an adult now, you need to see that.” His manager snapped. “Sacrifices need to be made to achieve anything, and everyone agreed to do this, so there is nothing to be regretful about.”

“No one knew what they were agreeing to, I sure as hell didn’t.”

Just then, the front door began being pounded in on from outside. Mi Hyun dutifully went to get it without instruction, and Jae Won was waiting on the other side. He hurried in and looked intensely down at her, not seeming to notice her father or Kang Ta.

“I tried calling, but no one answered. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this happened, I am so sorry.” Jae Won apologized desperately.

“You better be fucking sorry!” Mi Hyun’s father yelled, indignant anger rising again. “What right do you have fucking some other man’s wife?!”

“Stop!” Kang Ta demanded. “Stop yelling, you need to calm down. You don’t need to be saying thing’s you’ll regret.”

His manager turned back to him. “What do you suggest I do? This is my problem, I’m apparently the only one who’s going to deal with it!”

“It’s my problem, I’ll deal with it. Go home.” Kang Ta said sternly.

“You have got to be kidding me.” He scoffed.

“No, just go home. I’ll call you.”

The two stared at each other, waiting for the other to concede. Eventually, his manager laughed. “Fine. Take care of it. Solve your problems, solve all of our problems. Let’s see if you can do a better job babysitting your ass then I did.” He stormed off, only passing Mi Hyun a hard glance on his way out.

“Kang Ta, Mi Hyun.” Jae Won said thickly as the door shut behind them. “I’m so sorry this happened. I should have been more careful, it’s my fault.”

“It’s fine.” Kang Ta assured him. What was this on top of everything else in the long run anyway?

“I’ll tell the media I kissed you, like, forcibly, I don’t know.” Jae Won offered. “I can take the blame for it.”

“You can’t be serious!” Mi Hyun exclaimed. “You can’t do that.”

“I’ll go to Japan for a while and hope no one makes a big deal out of this. It’s my fault, I’ll take responsibility for it.” He went on, not hearing her.

“You can’t go to Japan! This isn’t your fault. We can find another way to solve this. Kang Ta, please tell him.” Mi Hyun insisted, beginning to tear up again.

“Maybe this is a good thing.” Kang Ta said suddenly, more to himself then to anyone else.

“What are you talking about?” Mi Hyun demanded.

“This kind of forces our hand, doesn’t it? Now we just have to deal with it. Mi Hyun is right Jae Won, you aren’t going to lie and run off to another country. Let me work it out, Mi Hyun and I will get a divorce for us and you two can get married if you want.”

“Divorced?” Mi Hyun asked.

“Married?” Jae Won asked.

“I need to call Hee Jun first.” Kang Ta said to the room in general, wandering quickly from it.

Mi Hyun and Jae Won watched him leave silently, both suddenly more uncomfortable then scared or upset. Eventually the silence was all too evident and they looked to each other for help.

“I really am sorry.” Jae Won said softly. “I know better then to let my guard down like that. I let you guys down.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s already happened so there is no use in feeling sorry about it.” Mi Hyun paused hesitantly. “I don’t know what Kang Ta is going to do, but you can’t take the bullet for this. If anything, I have no public image to ruin, I can take the blame for it.”

“I don’t think so.” Jae Won said firmly. “No one would let you do that, so don’t even think about it.”

He was right, although she wasn’t too sure her father wouldn’t agree to it though. It was just one of the very few options they had left though. Still, it seemed each option ended in one result for them.

“We can’t see each other anymore, can we?”

Part of Mi Hyun expected Jae Won to quickly shoot down the idea, but he just looked grim. “I wont presume we’ll always be together, or even want to be, but I’ll do whatever I can to make sure we have that option.”

And yet, it still all depended on Kang Ta.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Woo Hyuk pressed his hand across his face, covering his eyes, trying to ease the sudden nausea he felt. What the hell was going on now? Why was Jae Won kissing Mi Hyun? And why were there photos of it on the news? It was like he was in a nightmare.

Out of the five of them, Jae Won should have been the safest. He never had to hide his relationships like the rest of them did, and yet there he was, kissing Kang Ta’s wife on the TV.

It was wrong to feel angry, but Woo Hyuk couldn’t help it. It seemed like everyone around him had lost their minds. If no one else was going to be responsible though, he was. He wasn’t going to let anyone control his life, and that meant not getting married, and it sure as hell didn’t mean making out with someone on his lawn.

Vibrations made Woo Hyuk aware he had a call. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he saw Tony’s ID, but, he didn’t want to talk just then. He was too angry, and besides, he didn’t want to know if there was any more to he needed to worry about.

Woo Hyuk turned his phone off, deciding to just deal with it later.


	11. Chapter 11

Jae Won couldn’t help but feel like a child as he sat across Kang Ta’s kitchen table from him and Hee Jun. Mi Hyun must have felt much the same, because he could see her shift uncomfortably beside him. They were suppose to be discussing their lives, but instead Kang Ta and Hee Jun smiled knowingly back at him, silently.

“What?” Jae Won finally asked.

“Why didn’t you tell us that you guys were dating?” Hee Jun asked.

“Because it’s our business.”

“Jae Won is right. Don’t tease him.” Kang Ta chastised, but was still smiling. He didn’t think it was so funny until Hee Jun got there, the two seemed to just egged each other on.

It was sweet, but it was annoying at the moment. Jae Won, for one, was still genuinely worried. The moment he had seen the photos of himself kissing Mi Hyun, he swore his heart had stopped. What was he thinking? He knew better then to kiss anyone in public. He had completely let his guard down for God knows why. It was frustrating. It was also kind of satisfying.

He wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but a part of him, albeit a small and selfish part, was glad to see they had gotten caught. If it meant separating Mi Hyun from Kang Ta, it meant a chance at an actual relationship between she and Jae Won. If they even could have a relationship being in the public eye in such a way, this wasn’t a good start for them. At least now there was a little hope. If Kang Ta and Mi Hyun were to stay married, there would have been none at all.

“So what am I going to say about the photos?” Jae Won asked, trying to get back on topic.

“I don’t think you have to make any statements, what would you say?” Hee Jun asked. “Either you lie and apologize, or you say it’s all okay because Mi Hyun is Kang Ta’s fake wife.”

“I can’t not say anything.” Jae Won said. “The photos are of me.”

“It might seem odd if it was just me saying anything about it.” Kang Ta admitted. “Maybe we should hold a press conference together?”

Jae Won looked to Hee Jun and Mi Hyun for their opinion on it, but they both seemed to be waiting for his. “What would we say?” He asked.

“The least amount of things possible.” Kang Ta said. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

“You need to decided what you want the outcome to be, we’ll work backwards from there.” Hee Jun said.

“I want Jae Won and Mi Hyun to not have any guilt in this, and I want them to be able to be together. I want to make my own decisions in my career. I want to be able to be with you and not worry about what’s going to happen because of it. I want for no one to care about our personal lives anymore.”

“Is that all?” Hee Jun asked sarcastically.

“How about, I just want everyone to live their lives and not have to forfeit happiness for personal success?”

Hee Jun looked at him thoughtfully. “The simpler you put it, the harder it seems. Maybe we should just go with the simple solution.”

“And what’s that?” Kang Ta asked hesitantly.

“Honesty.”

“I’m so tired of that word...” Kang Ta muttered.

\-----

Hee Jun watched Kang Ta and Jae Won through the TV, but he felt as if he was there with them. It was obvious to him how nervous they were, but he had to wonder if anyone else could see it. Kang Ta was keeping his eyes downcast, so although he looked calm and patient, Hee Jun could tell he was deep into his own thoughts. Jae Won looked detached, but the way he was turned slightly toward Kang Ta, Hee Jun knew he was waiting on any ques Kang Ta might give him.

It had been slightly over a day since they had decided what to do. In some respects it seemed like it was a long time, when they were just waiting for this moment, but in other respects it seemed like it was happening too quickly. Both of them prepared what they would say, but neither of them seemed prepared for the repercussions.

It suddenly became funny to Hee Jun that the only time he had actually met Kang Ta’s wife was when they had that meeting to discuss their divorce announcement. The first time he was spending any time alone with her was now, as they watched the press conference in Kang Ta’s living room. Hee Jun didn’t intend for them to be spending this time alone as their first interaction, but he had never left the apartment since that meeting up until now.

The outside of Kang Ta’s house was over run with reporters and fans trying to get answers. Kang Ta had a hard time leaving, but Hee Jun assumed it would be a little easier for himself to sneak away once the conference started, since no one knew anyone else was home.

As it was, for the time being, he was alone with Mi Hyun. Whatever uncomfortableness that would have been between Mi Hyun and himself was trumped by the nervousness of how the announcement would go. Neither of them paid the other attention, as they both watched the TV intensely.

“I want to thank everyone who has supported me.” Kang Ta began speaking, in a measured tone he got when he was reading aloud. “I want to thank each person in my life that has believe in me, or trusted in my goals, even if not my decisions. Everyone that’s worked on any project I’ve done. All of my fans, or even people who might have appreciated an album I’ve done, or even a song, or just respected me as a person. I know I owe all of you much more then I could ever repay.

“I want to become a great person for all of you, I want to live up to your expectations. Because of that, I’ve made horrible choices in my life. My biggest mistake was thinking that I owed you all an option in deciding what happens to me personally. But you don’t, and in thinking that you did, I’ve let you all down”

Kang Ta paused then, and Hee Jun felt himself tense, knowing what was next. “The reason I got married wasn’t because I was in love, it was because I was scared that I wasn’t who you all thought I should be. My wife and I don’t have any real relationship, our marriage was a business deal. The whole thing was constructed to further my career, and it ended up hurting more people then it helped.”

Mi Hyun spoke so suddenly, and so quietly, Hee Jun hardly noticed she was talking at all. “Do you...” Once he was looking directly at her she finished her sentence. “Do you think this is going to work?”

“It’s not going to not work.” Hee Jun answered without thinking. “Either this will make things worse, but open and honest, or it’ll be worse and we’ll all have to lie a lot more.”

She didn’t look amused. “If you didn’t think this would be the right thing, then why did you suggest it?”

“It’s the most right thing to do. Trust me, nothing we could have done would have gone well. It’s best for you and Jae Won though. It’ll be best for Kang Ta too, if he ever wants to retain anyone’s respect. If he gets found out, he can say he was at least honest... Well, that he was eventually honest.”

“You want him to get found out.” Mi Hyun pointed out as it suddenly occurred to her, not the slightest inflection of a question in her voice.

Hee Jun looked steadily into her eyes, then back at the TV. “You are lucky you and Jae Won got caught. You don’t have to hide from anyone, we’ve been doing it for years.”

\-----

Tony rubbed his left eye forcefully, more out of frustration then out of tiredness, and caused black spots to form in front of his vision. Very counter productive.

He wanted to go home an hour ago, he had planned to go home two hours ago. Unfortunately, there was a lot that still needed to be done and many of the employees were still working, so he couldn’t bring himself to leave before them. His gratitude was wearing thin though, as he thought of how long the drive home would be.

The door to his office opened slightly and a young women looked uneasily in at him. “Sir? Did you...Are you watching TV?” She asked, unsure of how to say what she wanted to ask.

What TV would he be watching? He wanted to ask. Instead, he opted for something less telling of his mood. “No, what should I be watching?”

“Kang Ta is on TV, he’s talking about his marriage.”

That’s really all she needed to say for Tony to get the picture. If she hadn’t looked so uneasy, he would assume it was an interview Kang Ta was doing, and wonder why on Earth anyone would come to tell him about it. As it was, it was obvious that Kang Ta was causing more drama. Which was inevitable, Tony supposed, since those photos of Jae Won and Mi Hyun were released. He had seen them, everyone had.

Tony hurried after her into the lounge where every employee left was watching the TV, giving him hidden glances. So much for working, he supposed.

“I feel terribly that because of recent photos that were released that I’m forced into admitting this,” Kang Ta was saying. “I wish I could have done it without any undo pressure, but I’m also thankful for it. It’s time that I’m as honest as possible with you all. Though I respect and care for my wife as a friend, and am indebted to her for all she has done, we will be getting a divorce.”

Tony felt everyone’s eyes on him suddenly. They wanted to know if he knew about this. He really should have known something about this, he assumed, but no one had filled him in. It was yet another move Kang Ta decided to spring on everyone. Indignation aside, it was actually a little relieving to hear it though. No matter what the payoff could have been by Kang Ta and Mi Hyun getting married, it was a horrible decision to have made.

“Whoever she wishes to be with is her own decision, and I support her in it. The same goes to my former band mate Lee Jae Won. Whether they are together or not is their business and not mine to share.” The screen then panned out to show Jae Won seated next to him, startling the breath out of Tony.

“On that note,” Kang Ta continued, “I have decided to continue my career separately from my personal life. Who I may date, who I may marry, will be wholly my decision without consideration of stranger’s opinions. I love my fans, and as I said before, I owe you the world. But, you’ll have to support me in this decision and try to find some way to forgive me for deceiving you.

“From now on, I will do what I feel is right and I’ll be who I know I should be, for myself, and for all of you. Unfortunately, that means distancing my private matters from my career entirely.

“I don’t think for a second that I wont have trouble doing this. You will want to know every minute detail about me, and I understand that, but you must also understand I wont allow it if I am at all possible.

“I wont be answering any questions about the wedding or divorce, thank you for your understanding.”

Jae Won turned to Kang Ta a moment before he began speaking. “There is no animosity between either Kang Ta or I. This situation isn’t ideal, but we are good friends and will make the best out of it.

“Just about everything that needs to be said has been said, but I want to say I support his decisions and hope, like him, I’ll be able to live my life privately. I’ll thank you all to respect our decisions and hope to retain the support of our fans. Thank you for your time.”

That was it? Tony wondered. That’s all they were going to say about it and hope everyone would be fine? They were crazy.

Tony ignored everyone’s stares and rushed to his office, grabbing his car keys.

\-----

Woo Hyuk’s phone sent him directly to voice mail, and when Tony called the house no one answered. He was at home, Tony was sure. He must not have wanted to take calls about Kang Ta’s recent appearance on TV, Tony couldn’t blame him. That didn’t explain why he wouldn’t answer when Tony called though, but perhaps he wasn’t looking at the ID.

It wasn’t as if Tony was desperate to see him, it wasn’t life or death, but he wanted to talk to his best friend about...well, everything. There was no one else who he could talk to about what Kang Ta had just done, no one else he would have wanted to talk to about it either.

As Tony pulled onto Woo Hyuk’s street he saw a familiar sight. There were girls gathered outside of the gates, much like on Tony’s property. He should have figured as much, but he was left with so little options, he had to actually come see Woo Hyuk in person. If he went inside though, they would all see him.

It struck Tony suddenly that he wasn’t sure what he was more concerned about. Whether the fans would be mobbing him with questions, or the fact they would see him entering Woo Hyuk’s place.

He couldn’t go inside.

He couldn’t go inside, and he couldn’t call Woo Hyuk. Tony was literally yards from him, and yet they couldn’t get to each other. When had it come to this?

\-----

Kang Ta drew himself across Hee Jun’s body, joining him on the hotel bed.

“It occurred to me as I waited here,” Hee Jun said, “that we are once again meeting at a hotel under fake names.”

“It’s alright this time, we’re on our honey moon.” Kang Ta said sweetly, dipping his head down to kiss him.

What Mi Hyun had said to him earlier that night began to play in Hee Jun’s mind.

‘You want him to get found out.’

Yes, he did. He had wanted Kang Ta to go on TV and admit to them being together, but he wouldn’t, or Hee Jun assumed he wouldn’t, so instead of asking him to, Hee Jun was left with hoping they would get caught. It was selfish of him, he knew it was, but he couldn’t help it. It might have been dishonest as well, but he couldn’t help that either.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Even with all they had been through the past few months, drastic and unbelievable as a lot of it seemed, Kang Ta and Hee Jun were in the same place yet again.

They were together, not bothering to talk about their situation, neither of them acknowledging what had even gone on that night. They were being just as dishonest as ever. Hee Jun refusing to tell Kang Ta his hopes or intentions, and Kang Ta refusing to admit his regret about what he had done earlier that night. He didn’t have to say anything for Hee Jun to know, he could see it in Kang Ta’s face.

Hee Jun didn’t know what exactly Kang Ta regretted, but he was sure he didn’t want to know. They wouldn’t talk about it, that much was obvious. They were just going to be together and forget everything for one night.

And then maybe every other night until the other shoe dropped.


End file.
